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I recently saw with my own two eyes, that my soon to be ex-husband re-activated his Facebook account. This stunned me because he had deactivated it a little before he abandoned his family in late 2011. How did I find out? He and I have friends in common on Facebook, one being his sister and he tagged her in a few photos; this is how I happened to find out. Why do I bring it up? Because he posted a few pictures of him with our kids and a few other family members and it will only be a matter of time before he starts to post pictures of him and his girlfriend. The girl he left his family to be with and to support her and her child. And it got me feeling a ways that I can’t quite explain. I have known since last year that he had this chick, and I have known since earlier this year that they have been living together, so why is it bothering me? Because I am still hurting and quite painfully to be exact. The healing is coming slow. At a painfully, slow pace. Slower than a turtle. Since he’s left, he hasn’t shown our mutual friends his new slut puppy. And now, he’ll be parading her in front of them and I don’t know how to act, react, think, feel, or if I even should have any kind of reaction/thought at all; be it positive or negative. But the one thing I keep thinking is, why Lord? Why can’t I separate some things in my life without having him included? I have such peace when I have no interactions with him. And I had peace on Facebook without his presence. Now, I’ll be assuming he may tag people that we are friends with just to piss me off so I’ll see his pictures or I’ll be assuming that he’s back on just to spy on me and see what I’m doing and WHO I’m doing it with. That’s funny, if he even gave a rat’s butt considering he had someone on the side for a while now and all of a sudden he’s going completely public with her. Why concern yourself with who I am seeing, you know? She, on the other hand, has tons of pictures of them together on her Facebook page. No shame whatsoever in the fact that she’s living with a married man. Is there no shame in the world today? Has everyone just turned off their morals meter? I’m definitely no saint, but there’s a limit to what you should boast about. Like I’ve said before, I pray constantly for healing and strength; and I guess this is just one more thing to pray to the Lord about. And as I got on my knees to pray, I just could not get the words out. I knew what I wanted to pray about, but my voice, my mouth just would not cooperate.  So I just prayed to the Holy Spirit to hear my thoughts, my words, my heart and send them up to God. Cause this divorce drama just took another turn and I have to hang on to this ride for dear life. And now I’m facing the question of whether or not I will be afraid to log on to Facebook with the fear that I’ll see his name pop up in some sort of manner. And will I have to unfriend some people in order to keep some privacy and peace for myself? Man, no one tells you that there is cyber divorce when it comes to actual divorce. I just want peace. I just want joy. I just want calm. And I will keep asking the Lord for it. I still don’t get why I have to go through storms to get it. But I will keep asking for it. 

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