This year is so much tougher then last year. And I think it’s because last year, I really believed that there was still that possibility of reconciling with my STBX. I truly thought that he would come around and then we would work things out and my family would be whole, once again. Because of course, God tells me to ask, seek and knock (Matthew 5) and all shall be given to you, right? WRONG! So, so very wrong. Not only was there no reconciliation, but that demon of a STBX actually moved in with some filthy chick and is raising her son without so much as a care in the world. Taking me through all kinds of hell, but going through the day without so much of a thought to how his hateful, hurtful actions are affecting his family. And so this pain just continually weighs on me. And the fact that I didn’t have my girls for the Thanksgiving holiday just made me feel even worse. Worse, because he’s over there playing family with some other chick, and then including MY kids in his delusional fake portrait of a family. And even though I spent time with friends that day, my heart ached every moment I wasn’t with my girls. My heart aches knowing that I can’t give them a whole and complete family.
Co-parenting is bullshit. Plain and simple. I really wish he would go away and stay away. Let us live our lives without his constant interruptions. Without his constant breaking of promises. Without his constant disrespect. And without his constant breaking of my heart. Is God making me stronger, or is the bitterness that’s developing making me apathetic?