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I went to my youngest child’s Christmas performance and the STBX was there. He had asked the night before if she would be participating and I really wasn’t quite sure if I would allow her to perform, seeing how he would want to come and see her perform. But I straight up told him, if you are coming by yourself, then it’s not a problem. But if you try to bring your slut, then hell no. I’d rather keep the kids from any extracurricular activities than for him to bring that slut of a whore into my world. He really tried to turn it around on me, stating, “you would really prevent her from performing if I didn’t come alone?” I said “hell yeah. And there better not be any surprise pop-ups neither.” He said, “smh…that’s a shame.” I replied, “sure is.” Why the hell this man still believes that we should be friends after he abandons his family for some slut monkey is beyond me. How he just disregards my feelings and pretends like I am overreacting to this whole abandonment of the family and divorce situation. Who, and tell me WHO, would be happy to know that in the middle of trying and hoping to save their marriage, their spouse just gives up and then you find out he is seeing and WAS seeing this vagina carousal of a woman while married and then just be okay with being treated so badly? Disrespected on a daily basis, embarassed, lied to constantly, and ignored…. And he actually has the nerve to say “smh” because I hold him responsible for his actions towards this family that he abandoned with absolutely no regard. YES!!!!! That is the kind of friend that I need in my life. That is the kind of friend poems are written about. COME! Be my friend and bring the slut of Armageddon (his gf) with you, by all means. I don’t talk to him anymore and I don’t look at him either. And if he thinks that I am being a baby, then whatever to you, sir. I will be a baby until God heals my soul and heart completely. The STBX wants me to be okay only for his own selfish reasons. If I feel better about the whole situation, then he feels justified and off the hook for being a nasty, dirty monkey-ass dog. Sorry, I’m not going to heal and be all right for a long time. This divorce wasn’t and still isn’t mutual. I’m just going along with it because I have no choice and because I would rather get rid of you than to continue dealing with the horrendous monster that he has become. 

So, we sat in the same room far apart and didn’t speak and pretended not to look at each other with stolen glances. Pretended that the other didn’t exist. Only in my case, my husband (the real one that I used to know) wasn’t there. Only the monster was there, acting like he was a normal person. Like he has treated me decent (NEGATIVE) and hadn’t just called me a bitch the day before Thanksgiving without provocation. But, I was there to support my baby. And I was glad I did. And even though I still don’t want a divorce, I definitely don’t want to be tied to a monster such as he. Someone whose selfish nature is greater than anything else in his life, even the love of his own kids. One day I will be healed and I won’t care and he’ll be a shadow in the memory section of my brain. And I will fill the void that he created with the man that God will send to me. I can wait. And as long as the monster leaves me the hell alone, I’ll be okay.

My prayers are constantly about healing and his salvation and letting go and letting God. Hopefully God answers my prayers and gives this man a super promotion in another state. I’m just saying, that kind of blessing is just the kind I need. He’d be far away and my child support payments will go up! WIN-WIN!!! If he would just treat me like a human being and respect me as the mother of his children, I wouldn’t wish him off to another state. But as it is, he’s turned into a major asshole and there’s no scripture in the Bible for turning assholes back into a human with a heart. But when I deal with him, I always remember Jeremiah 17:9 “the heart is deceitful above all things, and is desperately sick; who can understand it?” I wish I could have seen how black his heart was going to get a few years back. I would’ve hauled ass in the other direction…..