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I am so proud of myself because I did not cry NOT ONCE yesterday! I ended 2013 feeling great. I was with my two kids, I was celebrating at a concert my church was throwing and I just felt really good. And even though my STBX tried to mess up my new year’s eve, I just ignored his every call and text. He didn’t really care what we (the kids and I) were doing for New Year’s. He just wanted to mess me up emotionally and I didn’t allow him to. (I wanted to text him and remind him that he had a whore gf and his fake son to keep his attention and company, so leave us the hell alone. Let me and my girls end the year in peace!!!). Unfortunately, I don’t think he’s smart enough to have learned his lesson which is to leave me the hell alone, but I am preparing myself for anything that he tries to throw at me to get me stressed out. No more taking his controlling bullshit and letting him manipulating me emotionally. He knew that even though I would yell and get upset, I would still become weak from the 15 years of feelings that I had/have for him and just give in to him; and he was right to think that way. Because before, that is EXACTLY what I would do. Give in to him and start the emotional manipulation over and over again. But I am tired of being his doormat and being walked over and treated like straight shit by him. I felt so much more empowered when I came from the concert last night. And I made promises to myself that I will be keeping to stay strong. 2014 is going to be so much more better, even with my impending divorce. I am getting stronger everyday and I am healing everyday. Maybe not at warp speed like I would have liked, but I can feel myself not getting super weak and distraught over things like I would have before. Like, I said, I didn’t even shed a tear for new year’s eve. In 2011 and 2012, I was rolling around on the ground, screaming and crying to the Lord. Yesterday, I felt sad, of course, but I just prayed and asked the Lord for guidance and strength and called it a day. I can honestly say that I truly don’t believe that I would have made it this far without leaning on the Lord to get me through. Without my faith, I would have imploded, or com busted into a total slobbering, blubbering mess. With the Lord, I was just half of a slobbering, blubbering mess. LMBO! And I must admit that still don’t see what my blessing will be at the end of this divorce but I know that God will be at the finish line, waiting for me, showing me why I had to go through this madness. Of course, I am still lonely, but I’m going to try to stop focusing on my loneliness and start redirecting my focus in something else. I haven’t decided what exactly, but the Lord will show it to me. I know that once I stop thinking these kinds of thoughts, God will send the perfect person to me. Gift wrapped….lol.

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