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Every mother loves when she is able to have a break, a moment to themselves where they can just breathe and relax and they don’t have to do anything or take care of anyone. But when it’s his weekend with the kids, I loathe this time to myself. I feel as though this “break” came at such a high, costly and painful price. One that I never wanted to pay nor do I still want to pay for. I have begun to hate every other Thursday in my life. I get anxiety, I get nauseous, I get sad and a little depressed. I usually don’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone and I feel so drained of energy. And most of all, I miss my divas. I miss my gremlins. As much as they get on, under and over my nerves, they are my gremlins and I love them. And having to separate from them, even for just a weekend, is too much for my soul to bare. Especially when it comes from a divorce that I never co-signed on. But I know that I will adjust to this, just as I have adjusted to everything else that has come from this divorce. And you’d think that I was okay with this situation especially since we’ve been separated and living apart for two years already. But my heart breaks every other week when I have to send them away.They’re my babies, and he was my husband and we were a family. Never in my heart or mind did I ever think I’d have to be sharing and co-parenting my children. Time is both my nemesis and my ally, and I just wish that I could get past the pain of everything that this divorce has brought into my life and into my heart and into my soul.

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