Tags

, , , , , , , ,

I really dislike this roller coaster ride of emotions that I have been on lately. One moment I am absolutely great! I feel invincible, I am ecstatic about everything and fearful of nothing, and the next moment, I am worrisome, lonesome and pessimistic. Then I have the moments where I’m just blah, just empty and void of any emotion it seems because I can literally feel all emotions at once and then none at all. There should be a word for feeling no emotions at all that doesn’t make a person seem like a sociopath. I think it’s a combination of what I am feeling in regards to this divorce, and what I am feeling in regards toward a certain person in my life. All types of emotional menageries are going on in my head and it’s starting to affect me. It’s only when I redirect my focus back on God and not on my emotions dealing with these people and situations in my life do I start to feel more “normal”, whatever that means, cause I can tell ya, the last two years has been nothing but abnormal. And I have to adapt to these abnormalities, which was never my choice. I wonder, do we ever really have a choice in what goes on in our lives? It looks like we have a choice, but then again…I don’t really know. I’m babbling again, I’m sure. Unsure of my feelings, unsure of what tomorrow is going to bring for me and my gremlins. Unsure of whether or not I will find the right somebody to come into my life. Unsure that God is even listening, sometimes. But I know that He is. I just wish I could get a text or email or even a burning bush message from Him that is clear and to the point and lets me know the whys and how comes and giving me the details of when this shit will be over. I wish I had never been a part of something, then I wouldn’t know how it felt to be a part of nothing afterwards.

Advertisements