, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I keep having these dreams where my ex-husband is doing his best to come back into my life, to be my husband again and to be a better father to our girls. And he is talking sweetly to me, and trying his hardest to convince me that he is a changed man and that he learned his lesson and that he didn’t know what he had until he lost it and that his tramp stamp gf never meant anything to him and he regretted every moment he was with her. Like I said, this is just a dream. And it’s the second dream that I have had in the last couple of months. I don’t even know why I am having them. I haven’t been speaking to him at all, or even spending time in the same county with him. So why and for what reason am I having these “nightmares?” I am finally at a place of semi-peace. I haven’t cried in 2-3 weeks and even though he’s not paying child support, I am not angry. But I have long since given up the idea of reconciliations of any kind with that man. After I wake up from one of those dreams, I pray like the dickens. I pray that God takes those thoughts and dreams and ideas out of my head before it makes it down to my heart and take root. I don’t need to have any hope in that arena. I had hope and faith in one day getting back together with him, but over the months and now 2.5 years later, I think, NAY, I know, that hope needs never to pop back into my field of vision.

Emotions and feelings are the tools that the devil uses against us sometimes to cause us to have confusion. Causes us to get angry and upset all over again. Basically, the enemy uses it to steal our peace and our joy. And I am thankful that I am still a work in progress. That I am working on my anger and not allowing the enemy to steal my peace and my joy. I still get upset, but I am human. And I am learning to recognize when I am allowing my emotions to take control and not the other way around. As for these dreams, I don’t know if they are prophetic from God or if they are the tools of the devil, since he has been trying all kinds of different ways to get at me. Spiritual warfare is real, unfortunately. I’m obviously closer to my breakthrough and blessings; closer than I could ever know, and now the enemy is trying to use the love that I had and the hope that I had for that man, to stir something up in me again. I’m not going to let him win. Not going to let him win. And if the dreams were from God, I need more then dreams to convince me. I need that burning bush, Lord. I need that Red Sea parting kinda evidence. Nothing else or nothing less will do.