Why do people tell you to “GET OVER IT” when you’re hurting from a divorce? I mean, if you can give me a pill that will make me instantly GET OVER IT, I will! Go ahead, tell me how to just GET OVER IT and I will be happy to oblige. What’s that? I should have a one night stand and that will help me GET OVER IT? Great! You’re advice to me is to put me in a situation where I give my body to some random and think that that’s gonna help me GET OVER IT, because it helped you get over your situation. Because there’s no emotions or connections when it comes to sex, huh? Well, having sex didn’t help me GET OVER IT before, and it ain’t gonna help me now. What was that, friend? I need to release myself from my in-laws and stop acting like I’m still a part of the family? These people aren’t the ones that hurt me. They aren’t the ones that cheated on me and abandoned me. Yes, I have distanced myself from them as much as possible, but I have kids that want to see their family. What do you want me to do? Stop talking to everybody?! Hell, you want me to ignore and distance myself from my children too? Because they are memories of him as well. HELL, they ARE HIM! His walking, talking DNA. Am I supposed to hide in a cave and forget about everyone and everything because of shared memories? Hell no!
But you insist that I just GET OVER IT. Enough with the sissy stuff, you say. Well, I am thankful for you, but I operate on a different level. And nothing but time and prayer is going to help me GET OVER IT. He may have drowned his sorrows in the arms of his slut, but I am not going to go and throw myself into a relationship with a man just to GET OVER IT. And since you claim to know what I am going through because I remind you so much of yourself when you were going through it, is this the advice that someone gave to you? Did you appreciate it? And do you really think it worked for you? You say I need to live my life (and I am) because he is living his life with his slut. Trust me, I am living. I am doing more without him than when he was around. My finances look better, are better and will get better. I’m doing things that he never wanted to do. Never thought of doing. I am living. And I am not desperate (at least not yet) to have to do these things with someone else.
Where is this booklet on the tried and true ways of GETTING OVER IT? I mean, if it’s so easy, why hasn’t someone bottled it up and sold it to the millions of people all over the world that need to GET OVER IT?! When your heart has been forcibly removed from your body and mutilated by the person you once truly loved, and for no apparent reason other than their selfishness, you tell me how to just GET OVER IT. How not to feel pain even though the years are passing and you are obviously getting stronger. How to not look at your kids and be constantly reminded of how they are being deprived of growing up without a father in their lives 24/7. How their relationship with their father is mainly via telephone and 8 days a month. How do you get over the financial pains when the person who supposedly promised to take care of you and your family denies helping you financially just because he wants to see you hurting because he really believes you are the one that cause all this, not his cheating, but YOU(Me)! How do you GET OVER IT when you pass by certain places and there are memories upon memories between the two of you that you can’t hide from, no matter how hard you try.
Then, you say I need to GET OVER IT because he decided to leave and he decided to cheat. I’m sorry, did my heart and brain just expect to accept these things and not be hurt and upset because HE made the decision to be an asshole? Can someone show me the off switch to my heart so I can justify not feeling these painful emotions because he chose to be dishonest and adulterous? Should I just be mad and say, F-him! I don’t need him! Saying that is gonna help me GET OVER IT, right? Just go on with life like I was never a part of one for 15 years, huh? Only because it was him that made the decision to leave. Because he’s a cheater, I shouldn’t feel tortured, is that what you’re implying? Since he’s the cheating butthole of the century, I need to GET OVER IT. There’s a clause in the heart contract that says if your spouse cheats and abandons you, you have the right to absolutely no emotions and thus are required to GET OVER IT. Yeah……
And tell me, how sex is supposed to help ease the pain? Sex with randoms, or getting into a relationship and having tons of sex is supposed to turn my brain and my heart off to the hurt and pain from divorce, correct? It’s supposed to help me GET OVER IT, you claim, correct? SIKE YO MIKE! It doesn’t help. Oh, you feel good and awesome when you’re having sex, and even for a few moments afterwards, you are in heaven. But guess what? Reality slowly sinks right back into play. And then what? You can only pause life, pause the pain for a quick sec, and then it’s back to business.
You can’t GET OVER IT that way or any other way. Except for time. Except for prayer. I can do everything short of getting a lobotomy and still the pain, the heartache/break, hurt, anger, sadness, confusion, betrayal, mistrust and the love, yes, the love, will still be there. Waiting for me at the door of my heart like a damn puppy. Waiting to welcome me back from my brief escapes, because those are the only things constantly by my side these days. I will GET OVER IT, I promise you I will. I see and feel myself growing more faithful in God, getting stronger both physically and spiritually. And the hurts are becoming less and less with each day. Sometimes a wave hits me, and I fall back into that ocean of emotions, but I stand back up, dig my feet in deeper, so when the next emotional wave hits, I won’t get knocked over as bad. GET OVER IT, GET OVER IT, GET OVER IT. Either give me a concrete way to GET OVER IT or please, just keep your advice to yourself. Cause you’re not helping me GET OVER IT.