I’m feeling stronger and more powerful since I’ve been praying more and just dedicating more time to God. I don’t even worry about the lack of child support like I used too. I just hit a point where I couldn’t allow the stress to affect me any longer. I have given him up to God completely. There’s nothing that I can do here on Earth except pray and keep it moving. And that’s exactly what I do. My focus was once on praying and asking God for the reconciliation of my marriage, But I had to change my way of thinking. My focus was still on my problem (the ex-factor) and not on God completely. I can tell you the day I let him go; it was in May and it was on a Tuesday. He just showed his selfishness and narcissistic attitude 100% that day, and I kinda woke the hell up and thought, “why am I praying to be back with this man”? He doesn’t love you, maybe never even loved you, and he can’t love you the way that you truly deserve. So, now I pray for him, but not for us to get back together. I pray for his salvation and that’s all jack.
It’s a catch-22 feeling that I have now. I feel bad that I am not in love with him but at the same time, I don’t feel bad that I am not in love with him. And the anxiety and stress levels have damn near disappeared. When I feel any bad emotions trying to overcome me for whatever reason, the Holy Spirit alerts me and I gets to praying, BIG TIME! There’s no need for me to feel bad anymore, especially now that I feel there’s no need for him……..finally, I have the peace that surpasses all understanding. And I am grateful for it.