I want to talk about my ex, but I don’t really know how to put it into words. He’s been so angry for so long and I just can’t figure out why. I should be the one completely irate, completely bitter and irrational. But I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I get upset, but I can’t let my emotions take over. Especially when I know who it is that I’m fighting. It’s the enemy. The devil is out to kill, steal and destroy and I guess stealing and destroying my marriage wasn’t enough. I guess the enemy wants to kill our souls too. Kill my ex using his pride and anger and try to kill my soul with a constant reminder of heartbreak and pain. But I am getting stronger in Christ and I refuse to give in to that pain. I refuse to allow the enemy to steal anything else from me.
It’s the oddest feeling in the world, to know you’re loved, to feel and receive love from family and friends and yet still feel unloved and lonely. I don’t get it. I moved into my new place, far from the ex, started my new position and I am enjoying life! Yet, there are those moments where I just feel so unloved and lonely. But I’m surrounded by people who love me! They really care about me! They tell me all the time!
But it’s just my emotions getting a hold of me. It’s just that part of me wanting to have someone to share my life with, peeking out from underneath my armor. It will pass. It always does. But why does it have to rear its ugly head in the first place? God is still working on me, in me and through me. This is just another moment for me to go to God with. More strength, more courage, more boldness. My Boaz is coming. I ain’t gonna sweat it. But I’m tired of being sad.