, , , , , , ,

I can’t even ask a simple question to this man sometimes without him going off and being so completely disrespectful to me. Again, I ask, why? What is the reason for that kind of outburst? Especially since I don’t bother you about anything. And I do mean I don’t contact him for nothing. At. ALL. I want to keep my contact with him as minimal as possible. I hate having to have any kind of conversation with him at all. Don’t care if it’s verbal, email or text. I get into this kind of funk every time I have to deal with him. I should have been bothering him about why he hasn’t called his kids in 4 days, but that’s not my problem. Only his. My kids are fine when they don’t hear from him. They are so used to his sporadic involvement in their lives that it is sad and weird. Hopefully it doesn’t turn into anything too disturbing for them in the future.

But I will be married to a wonderful man in the future who will be there for them even when the ex isn’t. My kids know they are loved and cared for. But man, how does he even think we can co-parent if he’s always acting like a jerk? And for no reason?! Because I asked a simple question you bark at me?! He’s always calling me out my name and just being a total butt-head. And you’d think that I was also participating in the name calling, but I don’t need to be that way because I know it’s childish and I’m not going to get what I need from him by acting like that. Now, don’t think that I don’t want to call him names or be disrespectful to him, but I am totally trying to just co-parent without too much drama. I’m tired of all the drama.

How come I have so much more joy than he does? Hell, I’m the one that got left. I’m the one that is alone. I’m the one that has to take care of my kids all by myself. He’s the one that is supposed to be so happy in his life with the decisions that he’s made. So why all the anger, bub? Get it together man, and just forgive yourself and ask God to release you from your own anger; cause all of this is and was completely on you. Lord, just help me get through. Just keep me close to You, Lord. I don’t need to react to anger and possible hate. I just need to focus on You, Lord. It still saddens me, that this is the relationship that I now have with the father of my kids. The husband of my youth. But the reality is that this is it. And there’s nothing I can do to change it. Just have to live each day of my new, crazy existence….if that’s what I HAVE to call it.