It’s 12:27am and I can’t sleep. Gotta go to work, my kittens are fast asleep. But I’ve got so much and also so little on my mind. I’m thinking all kinds of thoughts and feeling all kinds of feelings. Glad that 2014 is over and despite a dumb-ass faux pas by the ex-idiot, 2015 has started off very nicely. I don’t want to get into it right now about what he has already done on the 1st day of the new year.
What matters is what I didn’t do, and what I didn’t do was allow him to work me into a frenzy and cause me to feel upset and angry. Ñor did I allow him to make me feel as though I was gonna repeat last year over again. I said this year was gonna be different and I meant it. I’m focused on Jesus, my kittens and then myself. In that order.
Still no boyfriend in real life, but there’s one running around in my dreams. Lol. I’m just waiting for him to reveal himself to me. But in the meantime, I have joined the prayer team at my church and hopefully I’ll be getting a callback for the worship team. Yesterday, I prayed for a young lady who was asking for Jesus to send her a husband.
Let’s just say that I truly poured my heart into that prayer! Said everything that anyone ever said to me and everything that I ever thought on the situation. It seems like there’s a lot of people that are looking for husbands and wives. And I have more than a few couples that are going through some extreme marital problems. And it saddens me because I don’t want anyone to have to go through the same hurt and pain I felt and sometimes still feel.
But when I listen to their problems, I sometimes wonder if I am in a better position than they are, having been divorced. As always, grass looks greener on either side, right? Of course, I have the freedom to come and go as I please without answering to anyone. And at the same time, I am also very much alone and without companionship.
These are my two biggest issues that I am struggling with. An ex-idiot, and my loneliness. But one of the two will get conquered this year. Lord, I’m praying it’s the loneliness! I could give a crap about the ex. And I think I could handle it better if I had someone in my life. I know I have God, but I’d also like a physical, human by my side, if you don’t mind. Lol…
It’s now 12:57am. Sweet dreams.