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I took my kittens to two birthday parties yesterday. And we had fun. But at one of the birthday parties, I felt a little bad because one of the birthday activities was to build a small, wooden piggy bank. And for the life of me, I couldn’t understand the directions of what to do. And of course, I had both girls with me and there’s only one of me and they both needed my help to put that piece of piggy bank crap together. And I had a hard time following the directions, because I am not a handyman! I can do a little something-something when it comes to putting things together, but that piggy bank seemed as if NASA were asking me to repair the Hubble Telescope!!!

The fathers that were there offered to help me. One just took over with my oldest and another helped me a little bit while I was helping my youngest. And at one point, I looked up and saw a man helping my oldest, I’ll refer to her as 8, and I felt so sad. So sad that she doesn’t have a father here, or there at that moment to help her with these kinds of projects. And that the one father that she should have in her life is too busy being selfish in his own life to even think about her, much less be in her life or our youngest, 4.

He’s a selfish bastard.

He destroyed such a lovely family.

And for what?! For some stankin’ heffa and her momma, both of which are bleeding him financially dry. But he’s supposedly extremely happy in his financial turmoil and since she or her mother cooks, his tummy is full too! But I look at all the things that me and my girls are doing and I realize how much he is missing. He is missing all these beautiful moments. All the trips. School events. Birthday parties, for our kids and even going to other kids parties with his DNA kids, and not that stankin’ heffa’s kid. Even the little, quiet moments at home (allegedly quiet). These girls are funny!

But we’re living!!!

We have a life!

And I was so shocked and surprised by that revelation the other day. 8, 4 and I have a life! And I remember the tears and the thoughts of fulling as if I wasn’t going to be able to live without him. That the girls would fall apart without him around. But lo and behold, we are evolving without that termite. You can see the happiness and joy just emanating from them. And now, you can see the peace and the joy that is following through me too!

Peace.

Joy.

Happiness.

Calm.

These were the words that was missing from my emotional repertoire last year and the year before. But I am so relieved that I can finally claim them back again. I don’t remember when I actually got to this point, but I recognize that I am here now! And all thanks to God and to my friends and family for helping me get to this point. And I know that his is only lying low, waiting in the shadows and in the brush like a lion, waiting to pounce and act like an asshole, but I’ve got my spiritual armor on and I am always ready with my angels to fight against this madness that is post-divorce.

I keep hearing that it’ll get worse when I start dating. I can’t wait! LOL…….

Maybe I shouldn’t be so evil…then again, he was living with a woman while he was still married to me and taking care of her kid and ignoring/refusing to take care of his real kids. Where they do that at???

I am just glad that the girls and I are finally happy and living life. I am planning on travelling with them this year and we are doing lots of fun activities during my weekends with them. And I owe it all to God. Thank you, Lord for the blessings!

Word of the year: FEARLESS

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