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I have been sick in bed the whole day, today. It started yesterday, Tuesday night. It just overtook me, like a darn tsunami. I mean, I thought it was just my allergies because of the change in weather, but NOPE! Full blown flu. And the weather is probably the main cause of it. Damn Florida weather. I can’t catch a break. One minute it’s hot, then it’s cold. How the heck do they expect someone’s body to react???

And while I am on the couch, dealing with this illness, I still have to deal with all the mommy duties that I can’t get out of. I took great care of my kittens, but there’s no one here to take care of mommy. And it’s things like this that cause me to have certain emotional reactions post-divorce. I wish it didn’t, of course.

Not so much of thinking about the ex-idiot, but just thinking about my loneliness situation. Once again, I am taking care of everyone and there is no one around to take care of me.

No.

One.

To.

Take.

Care.

Of.

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And watching movies, whether secular or Christian, doesn’t help neither. Everyone is paired up. Everyone is in love. Everyone is just happily in lust too. Hell, I can’t even indulge in lust. LOL! I gots no one, man. No one.

But it’s okay, I can wait for him. I have no choice. But it’s nights like this that make me mad at the ex-idiot. Makes me upset at his choices and actions and how it has affected the whole family and he could care less about the ripple effects that his stupidity has caused. Thank God I am not so selfish that I would be willing to put my whole family into an uproar over something I know I selfishly want. Knowing that it’s no good for me, but not caring about what may come from going after those selfish desires.

You know that he hasn’t called his kids since last Thursday? Last Thursday. And God only knows the reason why he hasn’t. Can’t ask his mother because he’s not speaking to her either, apparently. Unless he started speaking to her and just decided to ignore his children. Who knows? He’s either having a great time in his life or he’s miserable. Either way, he’s making a mistake by not calling his children. They will remember moments like this when he purposely ignored them.

I need to learn not to let his stupidity continue to affect me. Not in any kind of way. Even though it hurts my heart that he does what he does to my, OUR, kids. I just don’t understand how he can be all attentive to that girl’s kid and you just ignore your own blood DNA kids? Doesn’t make sense. Even if I lived closer he’d still be ignoring them.

I’m just gonna go and pass the hell out now. Kids are asleep and there’s no reason for me to stay up any longer. I’m just gonna pray that the Lord helps me get through this as well.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.

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