Man! There was a lot going on in my world this past weekend, and I thank God for it! I give Him all the glory because it was so euphoric! I was literally walking around in a haze of wonderment and just in complete awe of God’s power.
Where do I start? At the beginning, I guess! Saturday, was my mother’s birthday and I was able to wish her another happy birthday on this Earth. Lots of people aren’t able to do this, and I am thankful that my mom is still here. As much as she can work a nerve, she’s still my mother and I love her very much. She told me a little bit of bad news regarding one of my brothers, but I did what I do best in situations that I can’t control, I prayed for him. I don’t talk to her about my brothers when they get in trouble, especially with her because she has an enabling spirit and I can’t be bothered. It just causes an argument between us. But she was happy that we prayed and so was I.
Then I received a phone call from an old friend that I hadn’t heard from in YEARS! Let me give you some background on him…I’ve known him since 2nd grade. He’s also my ex-husband’s best friend, or was (I don’t really know). Unfortunately, he started abusing drugs and alcohol, got a divorce and was just going downhill. He’s also a Jehovah’s Witness. But I have been sending scriptures out to people for the past few years in the morning and he is one of them. He called me to tell me that even though at that dark time he wasn’t reading his bible or going to church, he would read those scriptures everyday. And finally he woke up and decided to change his life. And he thanked me for loving him enough to send those scriptures everyday. That I didn’t give up on him. And he stopped with the drugs, alcohol, philandering and is now getting his life back in order. And I was literally near tears, and I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I had been praying for him for SO LONG! I was just happy, happy that he was getting his life back on track and happy that God had heard my prayers and I was able to witness this miracle!
You don’t get it…there are moments where I am always wondering if God is even listening to me, mainly because the one thing that I want(ed) the most, my marriage reconciled, has not happened. And even my prayers of sending me a good man, have not been answered and these things make me wonder if there is a problem with me and makes me wonder why or if my prayers are being blocked. But I keep forgetting that God works in the spiritual and not in the natural. And when I got my friend’s phone call, I was sure this was the phone call where he was gonna tell me to go to hell and to stop sending him the scriptures, just like my ex did to me and one of my brothers. But it was quite the lovely surprise and it just made me even more excited to praise and worship and thank the Lord!
THEN, on Sunday, my oldest daughter got baptized! She’s 8 years old! And she made the decision all on her own. I was so proud. And the third surprise was the fact that my ex CAME to the baptism. I had included him on the group text that I sent out, but he didn’t even let me or anyone else know he was coming. And he came by HIMSELF! I knew there was the possibility of his gf being with him, if he did decide to come, so I was preparing myself for that encounter as well (with love, of course), lol. But we were cool! We took pictures together, we talked, we actually joked around and he came to my house and ate and hung out with the whole family! I’m not going to lie, if his gf had shown up, she would NOT have been invited to my house. God says I have to forgive, He didn’t say nothing about having to let the woman who committed adultery with my husband in my house….
His mom and sisters were so happy! And so were my girls, they were happy to see us getting along, smiling and talking with each other instead of ignoring one another and being mad. I mean, the man was in a church! I was shocked! And he was finally with all his siblings in one place. And everyone was happy. Glad for the happy reunion and we could just feel all the joy and the love. It was an awesome day. And he even gave me a hug before he left and everyone clapped. LOL! But let me tell you, I was truly happy. TRULY…and I cried during the baptism. Not only because it was my baby’s day, but because he was there, because we haven’t been able to be “normal” with each other in the last 4 years without some kind of negative connotation between us, around us, IN us.
But I told his mom, he and I get along just fine, it’s just that he got (and gets) caught up with that girl and then all hell brakes loose! He and I never had any real problems outside of our financial problems. There was always laughter and love between us. We just didn’t know how to work out our communication and problem solving when it came to the finances. He wanted things his way and I wanted them done the right way. So bump heads, we did. And then enter that Jezebel. HEY! At least I ain’t calling her a slut! That’s what I call maturing….lol. Anyhoo, the entire family was at ease with each other and I know they are never like that with his gf.
When I told my dad and he was like, “don’t go getting all mushy over him again” and I had to tell him the truth. I still love him. And if someone were to ask me if I want my marriage reconciled, I would say yes. But I know I can not take him as is. He would have to change, and that’s the bottom line. Cause if he were to come back just as he left, trust me, he’d be leaving again. And it would be me putting him out this time. Because I’m a different person, I’m a stronger woman and I ain’t gonna put up with the same stuff I put up before I became stronger in Christ. And he wouldn’t be able to handle me. But I pray, I hope, I wonder and I ponder if it is God’s will for me to be reconciled to my husband. I can only wait on the Lord to answer. And His answer will either be in the form of my ex, fully changed or someone completely new and different and already on my level and working with everything that I prayed my future husband will already have in his spirit and in his heart and mind. I’ll just sit back and watch who comes through the door first!
And even though I took Memorial Day off to do absolutely nothing and just relax, I was grateful to have the day off. And my girls were entertaining and aggravating me at the same time. LOL! That’s their job, I know. And I love them for it. It was a wonderful, God-filled weekend. His grace, power and love was eminent. And for that, I am thankful!