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I’ve been alright since my last post. I have accepted the situation, I still don’t like it, but I have accepted it. And it was obviously just the heart change that I needed to fully let go of my marriage. I was turning it into an idol. I was quietly obsessing over my divorce and praying to the Lord to open a door that He told me was closed, many times over.
I just chose to ignore Him. And I have learned, not from this current situation, but past ones, that when the door has been closed by Him, keep it closed. And when you don’t listen to Him, He will make a way for you to listen. But I was being stubborn and hard-headed. I refused to listen. So He showed me one last sign. And this was definitely it. I was so completely broken. But He is healing my heart. He is comforting me.
And not with another man or anything like that. But through more prayer, more faith and more healing. I saw my ex yesterday when he came to pick up the girls and I walked right up to him, took his hand, with our girls and prayed with him. And I did not want to do it, but the Holy Spirit told me to. So I did. All four of us. I would have done it even if had brought his gf with him.
I went against my grain, but I ain’t in the business of not listening to Him anymore. I see the repercussions that come about when you don’t. I’m not saying that He made the gf get pregnant just for me to let go, but I think if I had let go from way before, when He told me too, the news wouldn’t have been so detrimental to me. I kept having dreams of my ex, where he would tell me that he was never coming back to me. And no matter how hard I begged in the dreams, his answer was always the same.
And there was one dream where we were cordial and he was kind, but he still wouldn’t come back. So, my lesson has been received and well learned. No amount of begging and no amount of tears can ever bring someone back. A friend was telling me that sometimes, the Lord hardens people’s hearts. Not for them, but for you! To take you to the next level in your Christian walk, to increase and strengthen your faith, in HIM!
Well played, my good man. Well played. Because I tell you right now, I definitely ain’t scared of shit. I definitely know and understand that I can go through anything and survive it with the Almighty right next to me. I don’t want any more “tests” but as long as I continue my walk with Jesus, there’s gonna be tests thrown at me from the enemy.
But the armor of the Lord keeps me covered along with the blood of Jesus Christ. And He is who I will focus on.
I’m definitely going to be alright. And since me and my girl were going through some things, we are going salsa dancing tonight honey, you hear me?! YASSSSS! Salsa dancing will take the pain away! I just want to have fun and laugh and enjoy the joy and peace that the Lord has given onto me. And even though I won’t be able to go out every weekend, I will enjoy every moment that I have on this earth.
And tonight’s moment starts with salsa dancing…lmbo.