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So, my friend finally called me and I was able to explain more thoroughly why I had to cancel on him the other night. He was upset, and you could clearly hear it when he first got on the phone. But, I came with the straight up truth and he was very comforting with me.

We talked and I told him about the DivorceCare support group that I will soon be attending. And I know that he is sad because the man obviously wants to date me, but there is just too much going on in my mind and in my heart to invite anyone else to the party. And no one deserves that. And I have always stated as much.

But we definitely made it known that we were not going to be seeing each other in any other way than in friendship. He even apologized because he knew that he was pushing things and he could tell that it was a little much for me. But I am glad that it all happened this way. It gave me the courage to go and get the help that I really needed, that I knew I needed all along, but I was trying to “pretend” like everything was A-OK.

I will see him again, to hang out, I am sure. He is my friend, if nothing else. And I can live with that. It’s actually more freeing, because right now, a relationship is too much for me. I can blog and write and whatnot until kingdom come about wanting/needing a man, but the reality is, I am not ready. And it’s ok. I don’t have to be ready right now. I can take my time. I was the one that was trying to convince myself that I was ok and that now was the right time because I was thinking, hell, after 4 years, I should be ok. Hell, if he (the ex) was able to move on so quickly, then I should be ok now too.

But I ain’t him. And I’m not like anyone else. I am me and I need time. I need time for my heart to heal, for my brain to reset and for my spirit to re-charge. And that’s cool. I don’t ever want to stress myself out like that ever again. And no one was telling me to get over my betrayal except for myself. I was breaking out in hives and shit. LOL!

I’m an idiot. But I’m an idiot getting the help that she needs. And that’s OK… 🙂