2015, adultery, adventure, advice, anger, calm, cheating, children, choices, christian, christian divorce, christians, comfort, coparent, dating, deadbeat dads, divorce, divorce love, divorced, emotions, ex-husband, faith, family, fearless, feelings, freedom, hope, love
There’s a shift happening in my brain, in my spirit, nowadays. The Holy Spirit is definitely doing a work in me. What am I talking about? Well, let me tell you…
I allowed my daughters to call their father this morning. They didn’t know that I was going to do this. The Spirit just told me that it was time. He has always wanted me to let them talk to them for a few minutes in the morning, but mornings are usually rushing hell, so to speak and I don’t have time for them to be gabbing about nonsense with their dad. Plus, and I know it sounds bad, but I didn’t want to hear his voice in the morning either. Hearing his voice was taking me in such a bad, bad, BAD direction and I needed positive vibes to start my day.
But today, I listened to the Holy Spirit and I could tell that their father was happy to hear from them. And maybe it did something for the girls too, who knows. They weren’t acting like it was anything major for them anyways. But he certainly did cheer up. Did I get a thank you text from him for that favor? Nope. And I’m probably not gonna and I certainly didn’t expect too, either. So, no hurt feelings there.
I did it because the Holy Spirit is trying to heal me completely and believe it or not, this is a good step and it was a hard step for me to climb as well. You need another example? Cause I have another one and it’s a doozy!
I actually PRAYED for my ex and his mistress. O_O Not only did I pray for their salvation, I prayed for them to be blessed! YASSSSSSSSSSS HONEY! ME! And if you have been following my blog, you know that praying for him and that chick goes against everything in my being. EVERYTHING.
I mean, I prayed long and hard and I had to stop and tell the Lord that I did not like it, that it was uncomfortable, I was getting angry doing it, I felt like I was gonna throw up from even speaking and hearing those words come out of my mouth, but I did it!
Right now, I need to be obedient to God. And not just in some areas, but in all areas. I am blocking my own blessings as well as my healing from this divorce because I am holding onto unforgiveness and pain.
Does it mean that we will all be best friends and I will be able to resist stabbing that adulterous hooker that helped destroy my marriage in the eye? Probably not…lol. Forgiveness does not mean acceptance. But it will free me. I have faith that it will. There are things that I need the Lord to do in my life and I can’t get something without giving something. And I can’t keep talking the talk and not walking the walk. Jesus is not about hypocrisy. He’s about love. Loving everyone, regardless of what they have done to you.
And I am trying. My flesh is screaming for me to stop and hold on to that anger though, I ain’t gonna lie. I would rather continue to hold on to the pain and anger. But I know that if I do, I won’t be able to move forward in life, whether it’s in my career or in a relationship.
And I may never get closure from my ex, but I have long since accepted that fact. It’s just the hurt that I held onto. The not knowing, the unanswered whys and the disappointment of my life not turning into the way that I always envisioned it to be.
I blame Disney. Damn fairy-tales. LOL!!!!
But I digress. I don’t know what God has in store for me, but I am ready to do more work on myself and I am getting ready to release more of the pain and the hurt from this betrayal.
Can’t wait for the Holy Spirit to reveal the final product! 🙂