I am ridiculously in a good mood today! And I thank the Lord, Jesus Christ for it! Why? Because I am at peace! I noticed this year, or rather, after I found out about my ex’s baby, I have been more at peace with this whole divorce situation. I really, truly and honestly have completely let him go. Now, don’t get it twisted, I don’t mean that I will be BFF’s with him or anything like that.
I still don’t speak to him because he can be truly disrespectful. But I don’t waste my time praying for my marriage or asking for him to come back to us. I have come to peace that it is what it is and I don’t want none of what he’s giving. He’s still broke, but pretending to live like a king. He’s still treating his own mother badly. And I realized from speaking with my mother-in-law, that her husband has only gotten worse when it comes to treating her badly too. I saved, or rather, my EX, saved me 37 years of torment and unhappiness.
And to you, ex-sweetheart, I say THANKS! I finally see the light! And I am grateful!
My girls had a blast opening presents this morning and just running around making a mess. We laughed, played some games, danced and sang a few impromptu carols. And they were totally happy and so was I! I felt the depression trying to come over me a few days ago, but I got my butt right into prayer and I went to my Father in Heaven and told Him that it had to go!
Which is why I am joyful. Even while knowing that I won’t see my girls until next week. But it’s cool. I will go to work and enjoy a little “me” time. Which entails me going to work and then collapsing on my couch with my boyfriend, Netflix. I can actually Netflix and chill without being worried about getting pregnant. LOL!
I am going to pray that this feeling continues throughout the week. And if it doesn’t and I unknowingly allow the enemy to make me feel a certain way, at least I know how to fight back. And that is the best Christmas present that I could ever give myself!!!
Well….that and being completely debt free from my school loans! LMBO!
God bless and Merry Christmas, people!!!
I need to stay off of Facebook. At least until Feb. Why? Because of all the holiday cheery goodness that’s running rampant on social media. I am not bitter, but I still get sad at the fact that holidays are for families, I mean, WHOLE families and mine is still very much broken.
I have two friends that got engaged this week. And I am happy for them, don’t get me wrong, but again, my broken heart. It just takes me back to being married and how my asshole ex mucked everything up with his selfishness. Add to that the fact that these engagements were like, how I would have loved to have gotten engaged, you know, surrounded by friends and family and totally surprised, and you can understand how I would be a tad affected by all of this.
Plus, the idiot ex and his pregnant slut is due in January and I really don’t want to see anyone liking his pictures or anything like that. I will have to endure what I will have to endure in due time, and I don’t need to see anyone congratulating him.
That’s how I feel and I am entitled to how I feel, thank you very much.
I have a friend that is going through some emotional turmoil as well. I will try to be there for him as much as I can. But his relationship with his ex gf is retarded. They break up to makeup, that’s all they do. (song pun intended).
But I am here to be his shoulder as he has been for me. I just pray he finds someone else. The holidays can also be the most loneliest times of the year. But I’ve been keeping busy with the girls and church. I haven’t receded into the bowels of deep depression. And I don’t think that I will. I have been keeping busy with church and work and family.
And I have been doing a lot of praying. Loads and tons of prayer. The ex-married lover told me that prayer doesn’t work. Yeah, sure it doesn’t. If he only knew what I know. He laughs at the relationship that I have with Christ. I think it’s partly out of jealousy that he can’t or rather doesn’t want to have a relationship with him.
But I know how powerful prayer can be and I know that it is working in me, through me and over me. I know because I feel it and I have seen what prayer can do. When I am walking in God’s will and doing things God’s way, I see my prayers manifest. Just like with this holiday season, I can see and feel myself a lot more stronger than last year.
There may be some things that are still hard to tolerate, but, that’s what prayer is for. 🙂
So my mission for the rest of the year will be to stay off of Facebook as much as I possibly can, to comfort those that need comfort and to continue to pray until I can’t pray anymore. Yep….sounds good to me!
People are always asking me if I am getting along with my ex now, because they know how things were/has been for the last 4 years. And I always give them the same answer. “Things are great! Especially since I am not asking him for anything. But the minute I do, his claws and unreasonable manor comes out.”
Can you guess what happened? 🙂
YUP! I had the AUDACITY to ask this man for something! Can you believe my chutzpah?!
Yes, chile! Me, his high school sweetheart, turned wife, turned mother of his two (legal) children turned unbeknownst to her, ex-wife. Had the BALLS to ask him for a favor.
Which didn’t require any money from him, mind you. Just required a little time and energy.
What was this outrageous, egregious favor I asked of him? To fill out a form that would give me permission to get passports for our two kids. SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS, I’M OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!!
I didn’t ask him to pay for the passports. I simply asked for his signature. And to get the forms notarized. That’s all folks. LITERALLY.
His reply was that he did not think that we were on the same page when it came to co-parenting and that because I did not provide him with flight information from previous vacations (within the US), that he was not going to sign anything until our co-parenting improved.
Well, excuse me, Senor Beotch! Could have fooled the crap out of me. I thought we were co-parenting just fine. I mean, you see your kids on your time, you call them whenever the wind hits you just right or whenever you remember you have kids AND, I’m no longer asking you for any money outside of the child support. That last time when I asked you for that huge amount of money, remember that whopping $60 and you told me to fuck off? Trust me, I learned my lesson! And have since then, have not bothered you a lick!
And now that I am asking you to fill out a form, you are going straight ham on me once again…
You wanna know what I told him as a response? I replied, “No problem.”
And it really isn’t a problem, because after that, I got my butt on the internet and started looking for the documentation that I will need to file a motion to get this done. He is just being unreasonable and ain’t nobody got time for that!
I can no longer be bothered with the bullshit. This wasn’t the way that I wanted to end nor start my year, but hey. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. And just because he’s too chicken shit to leave his neighborhood, doesn’t mean that my girls have to be the same way too.
As long as God is blessing me, I will explore the world with my gremlins. I will enlighten them to culture and beauty beyond what they see at home. And God is blessing me.
But you know what’s so good about karma? The ex actually had to ask me for a favor right after he told me to go to hell about the passports. I haven’t responded to his email yet, but I will. And I will remind him that reciprocation goes a long way. Let’s see if any of that falls, lands and sticks in that hollowed out log he calls a head….