Valentine’s Day was cool. Did I have a date with someone super special? I sure did!!! I had TWO dates! Count them…ONE…and……………TWO!!!! Say whaat?! Yeah boy! I be rollin’ like dat!
Thing 1 and Thing 2 were my dates and we dined at the ultra fancy, tre-chic Le Chuck E. Cheese. We had a primo table and lots of good service. And the cuisine was a culinary masterpiece of hot, sizzling cheeses with savory sauces and a crust that was delectable! And the gourmet liquid refreshments just flowed continuously! And of course, the ambiance was on and popping!
I thought one of my friends was gonna join me with his son, but he is still dealing with his own heartbreak and he just couldn’t go outside to face all of those seemingly loving masses of couples. Couples in love were coming out of the woodwork’s like roaches after the lights are turned off! LOL! And I’m not bitter about it, if you are happy and in love, I am truly happy for you. Everyone deserves true love, hell, there is not one single person on this planet that isn’t desiring it! Well, I can think of one person, but he’s not normal…anyhoo!
But just like ALL holidays before the big V-day, I feel some kind of way because I don’t have someone special to share it with in a romantic capacity. But I do have friends and family that love me and I am so thankful for that. I thank God that I had my girls with me so that I could at least get some love from them! 🙂 And they gave me such lovely Valentine’s Day gifts with mucho, mucho candy. And that’s the gift that keeps on giving, at least giving me cavities…lmbo! I won’t complain though.
I was a little upset yesterday at all the banners that were claiming that being single wasn’t a sin, crime, weird, etc. Well, hell, thanks for reminding me of that! I didn’t think that it was! It kinda makes me feel worse for being single when the rest of society is trying to make us “feel better” about our status.
But I know that it all comes from a place of love and a willingness to try to help those that are feeling down. Those that are just coming out of a relationship whether by their choice or not. But sometimes, society can overdo it. Like DQ had a special “Singles” blizzard. Really?! Can you at least leave the ice cream alone? We didn’t need anything special, trust me, we know where the ice cream is located when it’s time to be depressed and into our emotions.
But overall, there were no tears or depression or even anger for that matter. I just got my hugs, love and kisses from my girls and loads of laughter in-between. And it made me feel so, so special!
Boy, they don’t tell you in the brochure that when you sign up for Team Jesus that all hell starts to break through in your life at different moments. BUT AT THE SAME TIME! And I wish that I could say that it was my ex that was the problem, but he’s not. I thank the Lord all the same when it comes to that.
I’m starting school again and I feel old. The technology is newer and I already feel dumb as hell and that’s just from reading the syllabus! I feel like I won’t be able to keep up. I have an old mind and I have two kids that require a lot of attention and I’m thinking that this was just a really bad idea.
I almost told my adviser to un-enroll me because I just started feeling overwhelmed by it all. She could tell by my voice that I was totally flustered. She just told me to take my time and relax because it does seem overwhelming, but it was nothing to worry about.
Then my cousin called me to talk to me about my mother and the situation that is going on with her right now and it’s just all a lot. I can’t be everywhere and everything to everyone. She is a grown woman and she would rather just act feeble than to put a fire under her ass and do what she needs to do. And she has a husband and her 90 year old mother to help her and they all wanna act like they can’t do anything for themselves. The only person that can actually get away with that excuse is my grandmother.
These are the times when I wish I had someone that I could just lean on and snuggle up to them and let them “hug” away my problems and issues and worries. I know I have the Lord and that’s all well and fine, but I would really prefer a man, a physical, in my face man to take care of that. And until the Lord presents him to me, I just have to wait expectantly and patiently.
But for right now, I’ll just focus on the most important thing which is my schooling. I just need to make sure that I stay in touch with my adviser and make sure that I concentrate all my left over brain cells into getting this Master’s degree. There’s no reason for me to be afraid. if I can go out into the world and make a life for myself and these two gremlins, all on my own, then school will be another piece of cake.
And then I can focus on my mother and then I would say I will focus on getting a man, but I won’t. That kind of focus brings gray hairs…lmbo. I can wish and I will wish, but I won’t focus. Men aren’t going extinct.
I’m just scared of the whole school thing right now. It’s a lot to tackle, but nothing that I won’t be able to survive. Now, if I did have a man, it would be nice to have him around so that i can snuggle and get warmed up!!! These socks just ain’t doing it! LOL!!! And a blanket is lovely but it’s even more lovely when there’s someone generating the body heat alongside you…ok, ok, ok! I’ll stop.
For now…lmboooooooooo! Wish me luck in school please!!!!
Well, my ex’s slut gf had the baby. January 29, 2016. I just found out today. I knew something was up because he hasn’t called his kids since January 26. I figured either she had finally dropped her load or he was acting like a baby himself because we had gotten the court date from the judge. No one called or texted to tell me. And I figured that they wouldn’t, either. Right now, I’m dealing with how I should feel about this situation.
I didn’t cry, which was the first thing I did when I did find out the hoe was pregnant. I’m not happy but at the same time, I’m not sad either. It just sucks. Sucks that this slut ass heffa has to be a semi-part of my life because of the DNA shared by her new child and my children. A freakin’ constant reminder of his cheating. She’ll be there, even if he isn’t with the mother. Which he still is, but hey, the future is bright and unknowing…
I just prayed to God and thanked Him for giving me the strength that I can clearly see that I have to gotten through this pregnancy. And I feel alright. Still weird, but alright. It hurts, but not as much as I thought it should have hurt. Prayer works, and God heals. I will always remember that. And it didn’t happen overnight, but it happened and that’s all that matters.
What bothered me is that this negro is still up to his lying shenanigans though. He had the audacity to tell his mother that he has been trying to get in contact with me since last week and to no avail…WTF?! I just shook my head. Give me a break, you turkey-necked mutha-focker! Why are you trying to lie on me, saying you’ve been calling and I’m not answering the phone. I told his mother that I would gladly print out my cell phone bill and show her that he has not once called nor emailed nor texted me since last week.
He’s been too “busy” dealing with this chick and the new baby and it’s just easier for him to blame me than to admit that he is a neglectful father and forgot about his two older kids, just like I predicted that he would. This is just the beginning of neglect. If I thought he was neglectful before, wait for the main event people, because it’s about to get started!!!
And that’s where the real sadness starts. Because my two innocent babygirls are going to be the ones that will feel it the most. Not me, I am an adult and I understand foolish retarded people. But these kids love that idiot and go by his word and promises. They are going to be heartbroken even more when he starts ignoring them. And he will, because he was doing it even when the slut gf wasn’t pregnant.
But I will be there to comfort them and pray with them and for them. And once the Lord brings a good, Godly man into my life, they won’t even care as much. They’ll care a little, but not as much because there will be someone here to ease their pain and release a little of their suffering.
I did thank God when I got off the phone with my MIL. I thanked God for removing my ex from my life because it seems he’s still going down that road to financial ruin and utter destruction. He’s moving them into a NEW apartment complex, brand spanking new. Which means more money. With a NEW baby. And she’s not working. And I’m sure that the money will be flowing like a fire hydrant in the summertime! Except that negro can’t afford the water bill that comes next.
But he won’t learn his lesson until he reaches his rock bottom. And even then, he still has the choice of wanting to learn the lesson and do right, or he can continue to live the way he’s living since it seems right to him. God did give us free will, unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you want to look at it. I’m just glad that I am doing everything opposite of him.
I am flourishing and thriving on my own, with my girls. I don’t have a whole lot, but compared to him, I am a millionaire. And I will continue to do all the rights things and go to the Lord for my counsel and wisdom. I no longer want to live that lackadaisical life that I once had with him. That just day to day mentality.
I sometimes envy people that can live like that, but then when you hear about what’s at stake and the consequences that they have to endure and deal with afterwards and you realize, it’s not bloody worth it….