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Boy, they don’t tell you in the brochure that when you sign up for Team Jesus that all hell starts to break through in your life at different moments. BUT AT THE SAME TIME! And I wish that I could say that it was my ex that was the problem, but he’s not. I thank the Lord all the same when it comes to that.

I’m starting school again and I feel old. The technology is newer and I already feel dumb as hell and that’s just from reading the syllabus! I feel like I won’t be able to keep up. I have an old mind and I have two kids that require a lot of attention and I’m thinking that this was just a really bad idea.

I almost told my adviser to un-enroll me because I just started feeling overwhelmed by it all. She could tell by my voice that I was totally flustered. She just told me to take my time and relax because it does seem overwhelming, but it was nothing to worry about.

Then my cousin called me to talk to me about my mother and the situation that is going on with her right now and it’s just all a lot. I can’t be everywhere and everything to everyone. She is a grown woman and she would rather just act feeble than to put a fire under her ass and do what she needs to do. And she has a husband and her 90 year old mother to help her and they all wanna act like they can’t do anything for themselves. The only person that can actually get away with that excuse is my grandmother.

These are the times when I wish I had someone that I could just lean on and snuggle up to them and let them “hug” away my problems and issues and worries. I know I have the Lord and that’s all well and fine, but I would really prefer a man, a physical, in my face man to take care of that. And until the Lord presents him to me, I just have to wait expectantly and patiently.

But for right now, I’ll just focus on the most important thing which is my schooling. I just need to make sure that I stay in touch with my adviser and make sure that I concentrate all my left over brain cells into getting this Master’s degree. There’s no reason for me to be afraid. if I can go out into the world and make a life for myself and these two gremlins, all on my own, then school will be another piece of cake.

And then I can focus on my mother and then I would say I will focus on getting a man, but I won’t. That kind of focus brings gray hairs…lmbo. I can wish and I will wish, but I won’t focus. Men aren’t going extinct.

I’m just scared of the whole school thing right now. It’s a lot to tackle, but nothing that I won’t be able to survive. Now, if I did have a man, it would be nice to have him around so that i can snuggle and get warmed up!!! These socks just ain’t doing it! LOL!!! And a blanket is lovely but it’s even more lovely when there’s someone generating the body heat alongside you…ok, ok, ok! I’ll stop.

For now…lmboooooooooo! Wish me luck in school please!!!!

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