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I have my moments where I feel some different types of emotions when I know that my ex is taking my kids out of town. I can’t explain it. I’m happy for my girls, that he’s doing something with them, but at the same time, it really bothers me. Anyone else feel that way? I think I would feel the same even if he were single and was still going out of town with the kids. I’m not sure if it feels worse because he’s taking his marriage-disrupting, slut Rhino of a gf and acting like one big happy family with my kids as well.

Well, after writing and re-reading that sentence, it’s probably more the latter than the former. It’s that feeling of, that should be me, that’s my family and you betrayed me/us and now you’re doing things that you could have been doing with me/us. I have stray moments where I swear I am totally and completely over him and his stupidity, but then…he pulls a “family” vacation card and I just get to feeling icky all over again.

And I know it’s also because of the holidays. I love celebrating holidays. I don’t go all out for them, but I do love holidays and Halloween is one of my favorites. I think he’s taking them to Mickey’s Halloween Party, which is great. My girls will enjoy themselves and he needs to spend some money on them. I wanted to take them, but it would cost me over $1k to go. So please! Go ahead! Take them. I’ll save my money for out of the country trips!

IDK, I just wish that my heart was completely healed and that I completely forgave him and completely released him. I’m definitely a lot better than I was last year and so forth. I hope I won’t always feel this tinge, even after I find someone for myself.

I know God will do it, I know He will. And He is already healing me and comforting me. I just wish I could be like some people and just be done with it all, already! Some people have absolutely no problem in letting go. But me, chile boo. Takes a long while, apparently. But I’ll get there with God’s help. He definitely takes care of the brokenhearted.

37 years so young!

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Yes, it’s that wonderful time of the year when everyone knows your name and people are calling you down and you feel so important and just like a princess! If you couldn’t tell, I love my birthday! I am a birthday gal. And even if I were 100, I’d still be a birthday gal! Til the day I die!!! I just love celebrating life. I mean, I’m breathing, I should be happy and celebrating everyday. I just particularly love this day more-so than others. LOL!

I did go out of town with my gremlins for the weekend, but it was more for them than me. But my gift was their joy and happiness at a new adventure. Then we came home and I bought myself a new, shiny VACUUM CLEANER! YAY!!!!! LMBOOOOOOOO!!! But I needed one, so, why not indulge!

I didn’t go to work and the gremlins didn’t go to school because we came home late from our outing. So, we spent the time together. I love them. They “bought” me a card from the church bookstore (I paid for it) and they presented it to me. They colored it with 7 hearts and my youngest drew a portrait of me with blond hair. I didn’t know I was blond, but that’s how she wanted to draw me, so I went with her artistic vision.

And now, after a long day of cleaning and errands, I am waiting to crack open the Haagen Dazs and just watch old episodes of Once Upon A Time before I pass out in my bed. Sounds like a beautiful way to end the most beautiful day!

Ciao!

 

Loc’d and Loaded…

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I’m starting a new journey in my life. I have decided to get dreadlocks. It’s a real lifestyle change…for my hair. I already went to the salon and got them started. I had been thinking of doing this for a long time. I started pondering over this change since 2015. I meant to start the process in January of this year, but procrastinated. But yesterday, I went and did it. And I’m glad that I did it before telling anyone that I was doing it. Afterwards, I sent a pic of my head to friends and family and most were in shock, and some were in support of me. And then, my mother in law surprised me. She was a little negative towards my decision. She was saying how I like to “change” my hair every few months, which is true, but this is different.

It made me realize that I did the right thing by not telling people what I was going to do. I would have talked myself out of getting them done if I had allowed myself to listen to other people’s opinions. I love my mother in law, but there are some moments when she can be negative. Not always, but sometimes. She’s very old-fashioned and old school. She was even upset when her daughter got her baby’s ears pierced. My mother in law kept telling me, “we’ll see how you are in 6 months.” I’m not changing my mind in 6 months. So, she’ll be majorly disappointed when I end 2017 with nice, long dreads.

But I know that I made the right decision for myself. I don’t make rash decisions. Well, I haven’t been making rash decisions in quite a long time. I incorporate the Lord in everything I do, no matter how big or small and I try to do so before I start/stop anything. When I was allowing my flesh to lead me, things never worked out.

So, wish me luck, on my loc’d journey. I’ll post pictures from time to time. I want to make sure that I document each step. This is going to be a cool adventure!!! 🙂

 

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The Lord’s victory is also my victory!

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Passport pic

 

Well! Today was the court date to get the passport documentation for the girls signed. And signed it got!!! The Lord is very good. As usual, the ex just wanted to waste time and money, he came in there with no witnesses, even though it stated as such in our previous court paperwork. And he came in there acting like he didn’t know why we were there…and acting like he was so willing to cooperate. And of course, he was agreeing with everything that the judge was saying regarding co-parenting. She said that it was childish of parents to communicate via text and email only and he was like, “oh yes! Me too! I think speaking through text message is impersonal and inconvenient.” I just rolled my eyes towards heaven and didn’t even bother to respond.

I should have shown the judge all the “lovely” texts and emails that we have saved between us since he decided we, I mean I, wasn’t enough for him. All the emails and texts of him cussing me out and calling me out of my name. That, and that only is the reason why I have cut off most communication with him.

Then the judge gave us a pamphlet for this website that is designed for arguing parents to communicate better. The judge can gain access to it. It forces both parents to communicate on a better level without all the yelling and cussing that would go on in private email. He was all for it. I guess he thinks that it will make me look bad. But my God is an awesome God and anything that he tries to use against me will definitely not prosper. So, I am not worried. I’ll use the system just fine.

Anyhoo, the ex stated how he was willing to sign the paperwork and then the judge suggested that he keeps one passport at his house, and I keep one at my house, at which point I said, hell no! This man refused to sign the paperwork on his own and if he has control over one of the passports and I have to ASK him for it, he will use it as a control tool. Also, I would have to go back to court and get another trial to get the passport from him. I refused. And then I suggested that his mother keep the passports. He didn’t even want to do that!

So I then said, I’d rather keep the passports at the court and pay to get them out.  He was acting all flustered, as if I were wasting his time, and then he said, “what do I have to do to get out of here besides sign the papers?” So, he agreed to sign and he agreed that his mother will keep the passports. I’m just glad that he freaking signed. Not glad that I had to get witnesses and take a day off from work, but I am glad that he signed. My witnesses didn’t even have to testify.

Every time I have to deal with this man, I realize just how much of a nincompoop he truly is. And how spiteful and angry he still is. Someone recently asked me if the ex was still in love with me, and I was like, are you for real?! Is that how a person shows love?! If that’s the case, hate me, PLEASE!

I’m just glad that the Lord came through for me, yet again. He knew the desire of my heart and He knows how much traveling means to me and the girls. Thank You, Jesus!!! Continue to smite my enemies and show them who is boss! LOL!!!!! I am a child of God!

Whoa…what an UPDATE! LOL!!!

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coqui

Man, things have been going really well in my life lately. And why, you ask? Because of God, I say! All kinds of blessings have been raining down on me and my girls lately. Financial blessings, educational blessings for my girls, and now  I have found a really awesome Christian singing teacher. I have been looking for a great teacher for the last couple of months and the Lord blessed me with her. I mean, this is the teacher that I have been looking for all my life!!! I felt very comfortable with her and I mean, I got ugly with the lesson. Ugly is good. It means that I let go of control and just forced my body to do what was necessary to get the sounds out. And I did a great job. I’m planning on auditioning for my church’s worship team once I get in a couple of months in with this teacher.

The girls were with me. They behaved themselves. I was able to get them into a really great charter school. Both of them. It’s uncanny that I was able to get them in even during the middle of the summer, but I did it. I went to the open house and they told me that my girls would not be able to get in for the 4th and Kindergarten grades, but GOD! And they are starting this fall. And I am so happy.

Work is awesome. My people are treating me so well. And I them. And they showed me by giving me lots of financial blessings! God makes a way through people, doesn’t He? Yes, He does.

No boyfriend. And not even worried about it.  I still find myself from time to time thinking about being in a relationship, but right now is just not the right time. I need to finish school first (Aug 2017), I am working on some other personal things and I don’t need the distraction that a relationship brings. The girls really need my love and attention. They are still very young and need me. Plus, they actually like to hang out with me. So, I will be there for them until God decides it’s time for me to date. But not any sooner. I don’t have the energy to waste more time and make a bad relational decision.

I am enjoying life. I went to Puerto Rico with my good girlfriend, Mo and we had a blast! I went and visited my friend and his wife who recently moved down there and they were our hosts and tour guides. THE FOOD!!! My Lord, the food! Absolutely delicious! And we visited the rain forest, went down into the caves and walked through an old Spanish fort. And there were tons of laughs…

How’s the ex? Oh, he’s still a jerk. He’s still unwilling to do anything more than child support for me and we still have the court date for the end of Aug for the passports. And today, when he picked them up for his week, he decided to take my youngest without her shoes because he thinks that they are not decent enough. These sneakers are the sneakers that I had her wear because she can tear up some shoes. She wore them to camp. They are old and has a hole in it, but her feet aren’t falling through the sneaker or anything. Plus, she has shoes over at his house that she can wear. She just needs to wear shoes into the house from the car. But of course, he’s a dumb-ass, and a control freak and decided that taking her without her shoes would be better. So, he quietly (punk-ass like) left her shoes on my doorstep and then sent me a text message saying,”her torn up shoes are on your doorstep. Please don’t send her downstairs with those disgusting shoes again.” Which in turn I politely replied, “Have a good evening and don’t text and drive. It’s dangerous.” LMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I could feel myself getting upset, but the first thing I decided to do was pray for him. And God is working on him. I can’t wait for the phone call saying that he finally accepted God’s salvation. He needs to ask God to remove his anger, pain and frustration from whatever it is that is keeping him in bondage. The poor thing is lost. I hope he finally decides to be found….by God.

I’m making a lot of major changes and I am so happy. Every decision I am making in my life, I am making with the Holy Spirit. I am doing nothing without God’s guidance. That’s how I know I am headed in the right direction. And I’m taking my girls with me!!!!!!!!!