Who’s getting married?! Part Deux

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My dream actually came true! The ex proposed to his gf while they were in Disney World. And guess what?! The news didn’t come from him, as it should have. It came from his sister. Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you why, cause he’s a punk. Too scared to say anything to me. Why? I don’t know, especially since he doesn’t care about me because he once told me I was dead to him…But then………………

His gf had the NERVE and AUDACITY to email me the following email below:

“I first want to apologize for contacting you at work but this is the only email address I could locate without asking M for your personal one (he doesn’t know I’m contacting you). I’m hoping that through this email we can find a common ground that’s beneficial to the girls.

I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to share the precious time you have with your daughters with others; even more so with a woman who (speaking frankly) you despise. I think it’s important for you to know that I love your daughters and I want the best for them; as I’m sure you do as well. I think it’s easy to agree that an environment that is peaceful and harmonious is best for any child, the girls included. I would love to get to a place where we (you, M, and I) could share important moments with the girls without tension or animosity; it’s important to show the girls that even though adults may have disagreements they can still get along. I understand that the past few years have been difficult and you are completely entitled to your own feelings, emotions, and opinions; even the strong negative ones you have about me. However, my hope is that you can focus your energy on what’s best for the girls. Your daughters love you so much and as I’m sure you’re aware they also love M; and through the years I know they have grown to love me as well. I hate to imagine what it must be like for them to feel as though they’re caught in the middle of the people they love.

As a mother, I’m sure you agree that it’s not fair to them to let adult issues affect their childhood memories. I’m not naive in thinking that you and I will become the best of friends but I truly hope that you could put the animosity you feel for me aside for the sake of your daughters. Sadly, they are the ones caught in the middle and they are who suffer. I believe that the girls would really benefit if we could all work together; or at the very least be able to occupy the same space without tension. It is my deepest hope that slowly, in time we can all become cordial and work together to raise the girls in the best environment possible. I know that ultimately the decision is yours. I also know that I can’t control how you perceive this or how you’ll react to me reaching out; so I want to be clear in saying that it’s completely out of love for the girls and the desire to do what’s best for them. I only ask that you keep that in mind if/when you decide to respond.

Sincerest Regards,

K”

Now, in my opinion, this chick has huge balls. After 5 years of the both of you giving me and my girls hell, you want to have a KUM-BA-YA moment. You want to be adult and work through shit. You NOW care about my girls and how they feel about the two of you having torn apart a family. Hmmm…not going to happen, sweetie. I’m sorry, this email is 5 years to late. And from the wrong person. This email should have come from my ex. AND, it should have had an apology for her part in the demise of my marriage. I guess through her excitement of having his child and now about to become his wife, she wants to make things right.

Nope, not going to happen. I remember trying to make things “decent” 5 and 4 years ago and the both of them giving me their ass to kiss. I like how she’s so NOW concerned over my children having POSITIVE childhood memories in order to drown out the negative ones that she and my ex placed. NOW she wants us all to do family oriented activities together. NOW…after she got engaged at the “Happiest Place on Earth”. Biatch please…I don’t care about the engagement, but I do care that she had the nerve to actually email me at WORK and then try to mend the fences that she and him set on fire.

I was so enraged at this email. I have not replied to her, nor am I going to. I did, however, forward it to her betrothed and told him that I better not receive any other emails like this ever again. He wanted to not be a part of the family, he wanted to have nothing to do with me, and he wanted a life totally separate and I gave him EXACTLY what he asked for.

She was there by his side every time he said or did something nasty to me and she didn’t care then. I don’t give two craps if she’s changed. I’m done. I’ve been done with them. I have forgiven and had closure knowing that he NOR she would ever apologize and I moved past. But don’t reach out to me ever again. The both of them chose to be nasty together and treat me like shit, and now, you can do it legally and happily ever after. This ain’t no NBC family sitcom of blended family joy. No sir. This is real life and in real life, you can’t just say whatever you want to people and do whatever you want to them and then wake up with an epiphany of “LET’S BE FRIENDS FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS!”

I’m just gonna leave it at that. If I change my mind in a few years, then I change my mind. But for right now… NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN.

 

 

 

 

 

Who’s getting married?!

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I had a dream last night about my ex and his gf that he left us for. And in my dream, God presented them to me and asked me, “____, your ex and ____ are going to get married. How do you feel about that?” I looked at them and then I turned in God’s direction and said, “I don’t really care, Lord. That’s their business. If they get married, they get married. Let them live happily ever after together, if they so choose. The only thing I care about is whether or not they surrender their souls to you to live Godly lives.” And then I woke up.

I was shocked at that dream because I meant the words that came outta my mouth. And I knew I meant them because I woke up with peace. And I mean real peace. Like, I was trying to feel anger, I was trying to feel sad about them getting married, if that were to happen, but instead, I felt nothing. And nothing is a good feeling to have. I think, in all honesty, I really believe that I totally forgive the both of them for their indiscretion. Doesn’t mean I like them or that we’ll be buddies. No sir. Forgiving them hasn’t stopped either of them from being rude and disrespectful people.

It just means that I am not harboring any ill will towards them. I pray for their salvation all the time. It pains my heart that they are not even trying to experience the love, the joy, the peace and comfort that comes from turning their hearts over to our Lord and Savior. But hey, it’s their life and if they are okay with living it the way that they are living it, then that’s their business. No one can make anyone do anything that they do not want to do. I don’t know if God was just testing my spirit, or if He was showing me a glimpse of my ex’s future. I’ve had plenty of dreams with both of them in it, and nothing, for me anyways, has come true. Except for that dream I had where I was running through this building that was falling and I kept trying to get my ex to hurry up. I made it out the building, whereas he looked at me and decided he wasn’t going with me and headed back into the building. The building that was falling, all around him. And I escaped and I have no clue what happened to him, my last glimpse of him was his back, walking into a building that was collapsing and him not having a care in the world.

I can’t tell you if it was the building was supposed to be my marriage, or if the building was supposed to be life…I mean, he and I are living two extremely different lives, I can tell you that much. He’s living and taking the girls to Disney World, but at what cost, I couldn’t tell you. That high life sometimes has a price that you don’t ever want to pay. Having another kid, when you couldn’t afford the first two wasn’t exactly the smartest thing in the world. But everyone is entitled to live their life their way. And if he wants to marry this girl, because she is his one and only true love, then let true love shine POOKIE! I’m at peace with it.

And if it comes to pass that he does propose to her, then I really hope and pray the Holy Spirit continues to give me this same peace. I don’t want to be a hypocrite and go back on my words. My gift to them will be prayer that they accept the Lord 100% into their hearts and spirits.

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I have my moments where I feel some different types of emotions when I know that my ex is taking my kids out of town. I can’t explain it. I’m happy for my girls, that he’s doing something with them, but at the same time, it really bothers me. Anyone else feel that way? I think I would feel the same even if he were single and was still going out of town with the kids. I’m not sure if it feels worse because he’s taking his marriage-disrupting, slut Rhino of a gf and acting like one big happy family with my kids as well.

Well, after writing and re-reading that sentence, it’s probably more the latter than the former. It’s that feeling of, that should be me, that’s my family and you betrayed me/us and now you’re doing things that you could have been doing with me/us. I have stray moments where I swear I am totally and completely over him and his stupidity, but then…he pulls a “family” vacation card and I just get to feeling icky all over again.

And I know it’s also because of the holidays. I love celebrating holidays. I don’t go all out for them, but I do love holidays and Halloween is one of my favorites. I think he’s taking them to Mickey’s Halloween Party, which is great. My girls will enjoy themselves and he needs to spend some money on them. I wanted to take them, but it would cost me over $1k to go. So please! Go ahead! Take them. I’ll save my money for out of the country trips!

IDK, I just wish that my heart was completely healed and that I completely forgave him and completely released him. I’m definitely a lot better than I was last year and so forth. I hope I won’t always feel this tinge, even after I find someone for myself.

I know God will do it, I know He will. And He is already healing me and comforting me. I just wish I could be like some people and just be done with it all, already! Some people have absolutely no problem in letting go. But me, chile boo. Takes a long while, apparently. But I’ll get there with God’s help. He definitely takes care of the brokenhearted.

37 years so young!

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Yes, it’s that wonderful time of the year when everyone knows your name and people are calling you down and you feel so important and just like a princess! If you couldn’t tell, I love my birthday! I am a birthday gal. And even if I were 100, I’d still be a birthday gal! Til the day I die!!! I just love celebrating life. I mean, I’m breathing, I should be happy and celebrating everyday. I just particularly love this day more-so than others. LOL!

I did go out of town with my gremlins for the weekend, but it was more for them than me. But my gift was their joy and happiness at a new adventure. Then we came home and I bought myself a new, shiny VACUUM CLEANER! YAY!!!!! LMBOOOOOOOO!!! But I needed one, so, why not indulge!

I didn’t go to work and the gremlins didn’t go to school because we came home late from our outing. So, we spent the time together. I love them. They “bought” me a card from the church bookstore (I paid for it) and they presented it to me. They colored it with 7 hearts and my youngest drew a portrait of me with blond hair. I didn’t know I was blond, but that’s how she wanted to draw me, so I went with her artistic vision.

And now, after a long day of cleaning and errands, I am waiting to crack open the Haagen Dazs and just watch old episodes of Once Upon A Time before I pass out in my bed. Sounds like a beautiful way to end the most beautiful day!

Ciao!

 

Loc’d and Loaded…

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I’m starting a new journey in my life. I have decided to get dreadlocks. It’s a real lifestyle change…for my hair. I already went to the salon and got them started. I had been thinking of doing this for a long time. I started pondering over this change since 2015. I meant to start the process in January of this year, but procrastinated. But yesterday, I went and did it. And I’m glad that I did it before telling anyone that I was doing it. Afterwards, I sent a pic of my head to friends and family and most were in shock, and some were in support of me. And then, my mother in law surprised me. She was a little negative towards my decision. She was saying how I like to “change” my hair every few months, which is true, but this is different.

It made me realize that I did the right thing by not telling people what I was going to do. I would have talked myself out of getting them done if I had allowed myself to listen to other people’s opinions. I love my mother in law, but there are some moments when she can be negative. Not always, but sometimes. She’s very old-fashioned and old school. She was even upset when her daughter got her baby’s ears pierced. My mother in law kept telling me, “we’ll see how you are in 6 months.” I’m not changing my mind in 6 months. So, she’ll be majorly disappointed when I end 2017 with nice, long dreads.

But I know that I made the right decision for myself. I don’t make rash decisions. Well, I haven’t been making rash decisions in quite a long time. I incorporate the Lord in everything I do, no matter how big or small and I try to do so before I start/stop anything. When I was allowing my flesh to lead me, things never worked out.

So, wish me luck, on my loc’d journey. I’ll post pictures from time to time. I want to make sure that I document each step. This is going to be a cool adventure!!! 🙂

 

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