Things are going so well for me in so many different areas of my life. Big things popping with work, *fingers crossed* and I made the worship team at church!!! YAY ME!!! My youngest graduated from Kindergarten, my oldest is working hard at bringing up her grades. I’m almost done with school, HALLELUJAH! And of course, things are so so great with Double R. The only thing that remains the same is the ex…you’re not shocked, I know…
But I digress…Double R is my heart. People really do not explain how to be a Christian while dating. How do you handle wanting to have sex but NOT having sex??? It’s tough, man. I already broke the no-kissing rule. That went right out the window. My flesh is on fire. I fast, pray, and thank God that he lives far away but shoot, we are going to see each other this month. I have to keep myself in prayer and try to behave myself, seriously. And he’s planning on coming back in July. Just pray for me that I keep it together. Being celibate in a relationship that is so freaking passionate is ROUGH!
I am so afraid of doing the wrong things and having the same outcome as my marriage. I don’t need any demons having their hand at my relationship, no thank you! I want us set on a solid foundation of Christ. He really is a great guy. The level of emotions that is going on between us, it’s amazing. Didn’t have that with my ex nor with the married guy. He really cares for me and my girls. I went to NYC in May for his father’s memorial ceremony and it was a beautiful ceremony and each and every moment that I spent with him was truly wonderful. He took me on a first date where we walked to Little Italy and had dinner in a very nice restaurant and then he took me to see the NJ skyline and it was just……magical.
That is the only word I can use to describe it. Magical.
I waited for years, for someone of his caliber to come into my life. Yes, it is still early in the relationship, but there is just a feeling. That this is right. And I’m not desperate, I didn’t set out to start a relationship. I only went to get re-acquainted with an old family friend.
Our story is amazing.
Someone prophesied over me earlier in the year, and she has been right two out of the three times that she did prophesy over me. So, I think this is the 3rd. In fact, I know it is.
While I was in NYC, I met more of his family, his daughter, (she is a sweetheart) and I met his ex. THANK GOD that they have a good relationship. I wish I could have the same relationship with my ex, but you guys know that is not going to happen for me. Not my fault! I only told one person this, just one person. And she was a stranger. And now I am telling you… I am in love with this man and he is in love with me. Even before we kissed, we just knew. The feeling is so overwhelming.
I’m a pretty logical chick, and the feelings that I am having do not make any sense, but at the same time, they do. I could never understand before how people would say that they knew that they were in love with their significant other at first sight, or after a short amount of time, but now, I can understand. It can happen. And it has happened, to me. To us. And I am so happy. And thankful.
It’s about time.
One of my baby sisters, is about to go through a divorce. And I feel so bad for her. No real reason why, or rather, the real reason hasn’t reared it’s ugly head yet. And, it is her husband that wants it. They got married young, early 20’s. One child, and both are Christians. He’s a pastor, she’s a First Lady, so you’d expect them to make it, right?! WRONG! They were married for 8 or 9 years. I always figured that if a couple had Jesus in their hearts and are living God’s will, then they should be able to endure anything.
But, then, you forget one tiny nugget of critical information. That people are HUMAN. And FALLIBLE. And God gave each of us our own will and we do what we want with our will, when we want and how we want and etc…She is devastated. She was crying. She said she felt so stupid for even marrying him. I understand how and why she is thinking the way that she is thinking. She is upset and now she has to go through all the different, crappy stages of grief. I just told her that I loved her and that she has to allow herself to feel all the emotions that are going to pop up in her life.
She wants this divorce over and done quickly. If they both agree and stay civil and cordial, it could happen quickly. But most divorces are long, drawn out battles of unrequited anger and rage towards one another. Love is part of it too, if you can believe it. Except no one wants to admit it. You can’t hate or be angry with someone to that extent unless you love them. Hell, mine is still going on and we’ve been officially divorced since 2014! Go figure! But I digress…
Divorce is so very painful. It takes a huge emotional toll on the mind, a physical toll on the body and an unbelievable toll on the spirit. She is a woman of God, but so was I when I got divorced. My ex-husband wasn’t and still isn’t a Christian, unfortunately. I was so spiritually broken, it weakened me to the point where I got dumb as a rock and decided that having an affair with a married man was going to make everything better again. Yeah…right. But GOD! He brought me back to life and to my right senses after a short while.
I hope she doesn’t suffer as I suffered. I hope she is stronger than I was at that time. I hope that they can divorce without all the struggling and arguing and every other “ing” that divorce brings to the table. And most of all, I pray that the child doesn’t become a pawn in this awful game of hearts. My girls came out of my divorce pretty unscathed. Just a little scathed, not a lot. LOL! I don’t believe they’ll be needing a lot of therapy because of it.
I want to believe that Christians are above divorce. I want to believe that having the love of the Lord so deep down into your soul will make you want to fight harder for your marriage than two secular, worldly people. I mean, does that mean if I get married for the 2nd time, I will have to wonder about divorcing again? We hear all these stories about Christians saving themselves for marriage and going to the counseling and whatnot, but STILL, they go through a divorce at some point in their marriage. And I don’t want to get divorced a second time. I want to know and believe that if I am doing it right before marriage, that this marriage will last for a lifetime.
I have to realize that it is up to both individuals to make the marriage work. If both minds are set to work, if both minds are set to fight and open to communication and if there is still love in their hearts for the other person, I think it can work. I’ll be praying for my little sister to get through this moment, because the rest of her life has already been changed.
Yes, it’s that wonderful time of the year when everyone knows your name and people are calling you down and you feel so important and just like a princess! If you couldn’t tell, I love my birthday! I am a birthday gal. And even if I were 100, I’d still be a birthday gal! Til the day I die!!! I just love celebrating life. I mean, I’m breathing, I should be happy and celebrating everyday. I just particularly love this day more-so than others. LOL!
I did go out of town with my gremlins for the weekend, but it was more for them than me. But my gift was their joy and happiness at a new adventure. Then we came home and I bought myself a new, shiny VACUUM CLEANER! YAY!!!!! LMBOOOOOOOO!!! But I needed one, so, why not indulge!
I didn’t go to work and the gremlins didn’t go to school because we came home late from our outing. So, we spent the time together. I love them. They “bought” me a card from the church bookstore (I paid for it) and they presented it to me. They colored it with 7 hearts and my youngest drew a portrait of me with blond hair. I didn’t know I was blond, but that’s how she wanted to draw me, so I went with her artistic vision.
And now, after a long day of cleaning and errands, I am waiting to crack open the Haagen Dazs and just watch old episodes of Once Upon A Time before I pass out in my bed. Sounds like a beautiful way to end the most beautiful day!
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2016, adultery, advice, angry, calm, choices, christian, christian divorce, christians, church, comfort, depressed, depression, divorce, divorce love, divorced, emotions, ex-husband, faith, family, family issues, feelings, freedom, friendship, God, God's will, happy, healing, heart, hope, hurt, joy, life, living, lonely, love, marriage, pain, peace, post-divorce, pray, prayer, relationship, relationships, single, single parent
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