A little fresh air is good for the soul…

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advice, comfort, Dave Ramsey, faith, fall, family, feelings, FPU, God, hallelujah, happy, Jesus, life, love, peace, prayer, relationships, singing, thanks, thanksgiving, truth

 

Man, I feel like time is literally flying! It is already November! October was a complete blur, if you ask me. My youngest turned 7, we went to NYC for a weekend visit, and that’s about all I remember. After August, the year just seems to go into hyper-drive. And most times, I only recall a couple of choice moments.  W-E-I-R-D!!!!

But, I am keeping busy. The girls are good. Double RR is wonderful. And church is kicking my butt! In a good way, of course. I am still on the worship team and they are developing me into a bold, courageous, satan-fighting, worship machine! Amen and hallelujah! LOL!!!

The practices can be brutal, though. Only because they are at night and I have to have the girls with me. I drive South to drive all the way back up and it’s not right down the street. I really love the Lord to make this drive once a week. But, He sacrificed much for me, so I should really and truly….shut up.

Everything is for the glory of the Lord. He is the one that gave me this gift to sing, and sing is what I shall do. Cause even when I don’t sing, I am singing. Isn’t that weird? And I can’t stop. So, He has placed me somewhere that the talents and gifts that He’s placed in me will go to GREAT use! And I am excited. It’ll still be a long while before I am going to be onstage, but it’ll happen sooner than I think, I’m sure of it.

I started Financial Peace University at my church last weekend and it is so nice to finally make that decision to get my finances back in order again. It’s a course designed by Dave Ramsey that uses biblical teachings and common sense to get people out of debt. It’s pretty simple and easy, but you have to have a mind and heart change to get it done. That was the problem that I had with the ex. His heart and mind just wouldn’t budge. Financial issues were our root problem. That, only with being unequally yolked spiritually.

And on that note, I kinda find myself in the same boat with Double RR. Not as drastic, but parallel. And it makes me a little afraid because I remember the hell that I went through trying to make a relationship work with my own husband, much less a boyfriend. But, on a brighter note, I pray and go to church more with Double RR than I ever did in 17 years with the ex. And we speak more about Jesus and the church. It’s just that Double RR hasn’t allowed the Lord to come into his heart yet. And I don’t know why he hasn’t and if he ever will. That’s a decision that only he can make. But the scariest part is his lack of financial management. I can deal with the being unequal spiritual yolk thing a lot better than the financial thing.

Women need to feel secure, especially when it comes to the finances. I know he’s a hard worker, so, I am not afraid of that. But I would like him to become a better steward of his money. I don’t want to get another divorce because of finances. Money issues can always be worked out. It just takes two willing people to work on them. Sometimes when I am talking with him about his finances, I start to feel as if I am nagging him based on his reactions or even his inaction. He’s a good man. I am going to have to just back off of helping him with his finances if he doesn’t want to help himself. And then, we’ll just have to wait and see what happens then. Just pray for us. We had a very open and honest conversation a few days ago and we left it on a pretty good note. That’s because it’s still early and there is still time to see what happens. Hopefully we will see some great changes in both of us and we can continue on to a bigger, brighter and better future with each other in it. As husband and wife. But I will not put the horse before the cart. And I will give this relationship and both of us up to God.

Fall is here. And I am so excited for the future that is coming around the corner! Ciao!

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38?! Who?! ME!!!!

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birthday, children, christian, church, comfort, faith, family, feelings, happy, joy, life, love, peace, prayer, relationships, thanks, travel, women

Hey shawty! (That’s ME!) It’s your birthday! (Still ME!)

Yes, it is my birthday and I am the big 3-8! Even though I do not feel 38, and very happy to report that I do not look 38. Although, I cannot tell you what 38 is actually supposed to look like, especially since no one seems to be looking their rightful age, nowadays. LOL! But, nonetheless, I thank the Lord that I still maintain great genetics and that I am still blessed to have a fun-loving, childlike spirit.

Today, before I even got out of bed, as I do everyday, I gave my thanks to the King, my Lord, Jesus Christ. Without Him, I literally would not be here. And regardless of the traumas I have endured in the past, I can’t say that I would have it any other way. I know He is blessing me and just waiting to give me more, More, MORE!

Double RR was the first phone call of the day. October is going to be 6 months with him. (YAY!) This man loves me. I mean, he just loves me and adores me. I had to finally admit to him that it was feeling kind of weird with the way that he just showers me with all this love and attention. I am so not used to it. And it made me feel sad in a way because I was saying to myself, I was really messing around with some straight up JERKS in my past!!! It shouldn’t feel weird that someone really loves you and cares for you and shows you, right? That should be a norm, but unfortunately, it is not always this way.

It made me realize that in all of my past relationships, I was the one always chasing the man (or rather, the boy) and showing all the love and affection and attention. Don’t get me wrong, my exes weren’t horrible, stoic people, but the love that they showed, it wasn’t how I needed to be loved. And I took it because I didn’t know any better. And I thought it was “love.” It might of been love to them, but I always felt like it was lacking, but couldn’t express my thoughts/feelings to them. And because we were so young, they wouldn’t have been very receptive to receiving them either. Even with my ex-husband, as we got older, he wouldn’t listen to how I felt about anything. I just had to get past and get over. My feelings were never taken into serious consideration.

But Double RR is making me see the difference and the light! He sent me a birthday present that is coming this week, he sent me a birthday shout out on FB that totally embarrassed me a loving way. I am super, uber shy and his proclamation of love just made me turtle up! LOL!!!! Never has a man professed his love for me like that, publicly. Even before the internet, none of my exes would do anything that would showcase how they felt about me outside of the relationship. So, this is new. And I guess if he’s shouting it from the social media mountaintops, this is real for him too. LMBOOOOO!!!!

It just feels really nice to be in love and to be loved by someone who isn’t afraid to show love. The ladybugs and I are going to NYC in Oct for a weekend visit. I miss Double RR and I miss my dad. So, we’re gonna go and see them both! The ladybugs don’t know that we are going yet, though. It’s a surprise. Plus, when I do tell them in advance about a vacation, they bug the crap outta me, so they are on a need to know basis. And right now, they do not need to know! They really adore Double RR and they are missing grandpa like crazy. They are going to be so happy to see them both!

Life is good! Happy birthday to me!  🙂

3 months in…

Tags

children, christian, dating, divorce, faith, family, feelings, happy, life, peace, prayer, relationships, Sex, women

My relationship with RR is going nicely. I realized that I am so green when it comes to dating and being in an adult relationship. Everything is new and weird and wonderful and scary. I don’t remember being scared when I was jumping from relationship to relationship in high school. Probably because I did not have anything to lose. I didn’t know how precious my heart was, nor did I care. I was just in the moment of “love” better known as LUST, and my flesh was the one in charge of everything.

Now, I am so protective of my heart, you would swear that I was part grizzly bear. And I have to protect the hearts of my two ladybugs as well. And, it’s tough, trying to love with all your heart and protect it at the same time. The girls a.k.a. ladybugs, really like RR. They have made a genuine connection with him. Heck, they speak to him more than to their own father, since he has made it is business not to call them anymore. Yep, the ex does not call them anymore. He is trying to force the girls to call him by making them feel guilty and telling them that he is waiting for them to call him. What kind of monster puts the guilt trip on two innocent, little girls?

So, I can see how my girls are connecting to RR much quicker than I initially expected. I thought that they would just like him a lot, but these kids are already planning my life. My youngest asked me today, right out of the blue, when she was going to get a step-daddy. And then the oldest said soon and after a while, they can call him daddy. I was totally shocked and blown away by those statements and questions. I had no idea that these kids were thinking these things. But I guess if they are seeing a family unit at their father’s house, they want the same thing at their mother’s house. I didn’t honestly think that they were thirsting for a “complete” family environment like that. I asked my oldest if she’d be okay with calling RR “daddy” and she said YUP! No hesitation whatsoever. I hope she knows and understands that RR can’t replace her biological. He’s not trying to and I’m not expecting him to either.

It kind of made me feel bad, because I have been single for so long. And it wasn’t because I had no prospects, it was because I was waiting for the best of the prospects to step forward. I didn’t want to be one of those women that just brought a man into the house to complete that missing piece of the family puzzle. I thought my girls were OK since they were still visiting with their father and “was” talking to him throughout the week before he stopped. Have I messed my girls up? By wanting to heal and not settle? I know the answer, it just feels like I messed up.

Plus, I got scared because I started thinking, “what if this relationship doesn’t last and my girls are so attached and if we broke up, they would have to go through heartbreak all over again!” I guess that’s why people say it’s so important to make sure both parties in this relationship understand that what’s at stake doesn’t just affect the two people in the relationship. Same as a divorce. It just doesn’t affect the two people getting divorced, it affects everyone that loves the two individuals involved. But, again, I know that I was just feeling a little panicked.

RR is not my ex and I need to calm down. Those triggers man…just when you think you are over them. I didn’t realize that I would be worried about anything once I got in another relationship because I knew I was healed, but of course, you have to be in it, to know what to do and how you’re gonna react. I can say whatever I want outside of a relationship, but now that I am experiencing it, it’s different. It’s the same regarding celibacy. You are super strong and so determined to keep that celibacy with strong conviction and then when you get kissed, you are second-guessing this whole waiting until marriage thing. Oy vey!!! But, I am happy to report that I AM still celibate and waiting for marriage, albeit with bated and PANTING breath! LMBO!

I’ve never prayed over myself so much in my entire existence! But, I do want things to be different, and I can’t give in to my flesh. I’m not a child. And I know that it’s for the best. I’ve gotta be an example for myself, my ladybugs and I have to be obedient to God. There are people looking and what if I lead them away from Christ instead of to Him because they see me living a wishy-washy, hypocritical life? Nah buddy! Can’t have any of that.

But regardless of all of my trigger, panicky moments, I am happy. He makes me happy. And I am making him happy too! I think I’ll be seeing him in August. I saw him in April, May, June, we’re skipping July and August is shooting around the corner fast! God willing, this one is a keeper!

 

06/19/17 Inspiration

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advice, christian, church, comfort, faith, family, feelings, happy, life, lost, peace, prayer, religion, thanks, truth

6 months into 2017

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2017, children, christian, church, comfort, divorce, faith, family, feeling, feelings, happy, kids, life, love, prayer, relationships, school, Sex, thanks, travel, truth

Things are going so well for me in so many different areas of my life. Big things popping with work, *fingers crossed* and I made the worship team at church!!! YAY ME!!! My youngest graduated from Kindergarten, my oldest is working hard at bringing up her grades. I’m almost done with school, HALLELUJAH! And of course, things are so so great with Double R. The only thing that remains the same is the ex…you’re not shocked, I know…

But I digress…Double R is my heart. People really do not explain how to be a Christian while dating. How do you handle wanting to have sex but NOT having sex??? It’s tough, man. I already broke the no-kissing rule. That went right out the window. My flesh is on fire. I fast, pray, and thank God that he lives far away but shoot, we are going to see each other this month. I have to keep myself in prayer and try to behave myself, seriously. And he’s planning on coming back in July. Just pray for me that I keep it together. Being celibate in a relationship that is so freaking passionate is ROUGH!

I am so afraid of doing the wrong things and having the same outcome as my marriage. I don’t need any demons having their hand at my relationship, no thank you! I want us set on a solid foundation of Christ. He really is a great guy. The level of emotions that is going on between us, it’s amazing. Didn’t have that with my ex nor with the married guy. He really cares for me and my girls. I went to NYC in May for his father’s memorial ceremony and it was a beautiful ceremony and each and every moment that I spent with him was truly wonderful. He took me on a first date where we walked to Little Italy and had dinner in a very nice restaurant and then he took me to see the NJ skyline and it was just……magical.

That is the only word I can use to describe it. Magical.

I waited for years, for someone of his caliber to come into my life. Yes, it is still early in the relationship, but there is just a feeling. That this is right. And I’m not desperate, I didn’t set out to start a relationship. I only went to get re-acquainted with an old family friend.

Our story is amazing.

Someone prophesied over me earlier in the year, and she has been right two out of the three times that she did prophesy over me. So, I think this is the 3rd. In fact, I know it is.

While I was in NYC, I met more of his family, his daughter, (she is a sweetheart) and I met his ex. THANK GOD that they have a good relationship. I wish I could have the same relationship with my ex, but you guys know that is not going to happen for me. Not my fault! I only told one person this, just one person. And she was a stranger. And now I am telling you… I am in love with this man and he is in love with me. Even before we kissed, we just knew. The feeling is so overwhelming.

I’m a pretty logical chick, and the feelings that I am having do not make any sense, but at the same time, they do. I could never understand before how people would say that they knew that they were in love with their significant other at first sight, or after a short amount of time, but now, I can understand. It can happen. And it has happened, to me. To us. And I am so happy. And thankful.

It’s about time.

 

What’s New?!?!

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Boyfriend, faith, family, feelings, happy, life, love, relationships, thanks, truth

I’m dating someone. *drops mic*

Yep. Me. I am dating someone and even I am shocked at this revelation. I thought it would never happen. Even though I knew it would eventual, I was still pretty shocked that someone took an interest in me. And took such a strong interest in me at that! You wanna know what the kicker is? I grew up with him. We grew up in the same building when we were kids, right before my mother left and brought me to Florida.

We have been estranged for 33 years. Then I found out that his parents moved to Florida and that his father was dying and I decided to go and see them before he passed. I had no idea that I would be in a relationship two weeks later. His father died, unfortunately. But from his death, birthed something wonderful. And I am so grateful. I thought I would never let anyone get next to me again. I thought the walls would be up forever. But  they just came tumbling down, effortlessly.

We are so much alike. It’s a little scary how alike we are. But he is the sweetest man on earth. And he is very open and honest. I don’t have to force him to open up to me. Only bad thing is that he lives in NYC, but that’s not a deal breaker for me. I will leave everything up to the Lord. If he really wants to be with me, he knows that he would be the one to make that move. Let’s face it. I’m stalemated here in Florida because of the ex. This guy though, we’ll call him Double R, he has a daughter and she is 16. He still has much more freedom than I do.

I already know/knew his parents and his family from when I was little and when I went up to visit his ailing dad, it was a reunion. And when I go and visit NYC, I will re-introduce him to my dad. I think it will be ok. I told my dad and he just laughed. Let’s see, I’ve only told my dad, Mo, and Madie. I am taking my time with telling people because this would be the first time that I have anyone to introduce anyone too! It is a little much for me to handle.

I was confused as what I should refer him as, boyfriend, my baby, my boo, my MAN, like…what???? He was even thinking the same thing. He had been alone for a while and was just waiting for God to send him someone. We connect on so many levels. It’s very nice. And I’m glad that it wasn’t on some social media platform. I had a human connection with someone, face to face.

And I told him about my celibacy and the no kissing rule and he agreed to it all. Another shocker. Most men would run the other way. Especially since they are older and have had sex. They act like they can’t live without it sometimes. Like they’d really die. I ain’t gonna lie, it will be hard to not kiss him. I am so affectionate. And it will be hard to not jump his bones because I do miss sex and being with someone in a physical way, but I do not want to mess up and incur God’s wrath. I made a vow, a sacred promise to do things the right way and my flesh is just going to have to have several seats!

We have no choice but to take things slowly because of the distance. And I think the distance can also be a good thing. It’ll help us gauge the level of respect we have for each other and the determination we have to make this thing work and see where it goes. I mean, a man will move mountains to get to a woman, right? Well, I hope that he is that man and I hope I am that woman.

I love the honeymoon phase. But with the no sex clause, it will force us to connect in another way and on another level. Everyone gets along with the person that they’re having sex with in the beginning. Let’s see what happens when there is NO sex. And no kissing. Because people can get confused and soul-tied through kissing. I’m worth more and so is the man that is in my life. I want to give him a pure version of myself. Someone that is strong and knows who she is and what she wants. Someone that is a true woman of God and not a phony.

He makes me laugh and smile and we compliment each other. I hope he doesn’t get tired of me. I really would like this to work. I don’t want to deal with any rejection and abandonment. I think I have had my fill of that.

The Older You Get, the More Divorce You Encounter

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advice, anger, angry, blues, children, christian, church, comfort, divorce, faith, family, life, love, marriage, prayer, relationships, sad, sister, sisters, sucks, tired, truth, women

One of my baby sisters, is about to go through a divorce. And I feel so bad for her.  No real reason why, or rather, the real reason hasn’t reared it’s ugly head yet. And, it is her husband that wants it. They got married young, early 20’s. One child, and both are Christians. He’s a pastor, she’s a First Lady, so you’d expect them to make it, right?! WRONG! They were married for 8 or 9 years. I always figured that if a couple had Jesus in their hearts and are living God’s will, then they should be able to endure anything.

But, then, you forget one tiny nugget of critical information. That people are HUMAN. And FALLIBLE. And God gave each of us our own will and we do what we want with our will, when we want and how we want and etc…She is devastated. She was crying. She said she felt so stupid for even marrying him. I understand how and why she is thinking the way that she is thinking. She is upset and now she has to go through all the different, crappy stages of grief. I just told her that I loved her and that she has to  allow herself to feel all the emotions that are going to pop up in her life.

She wants this divorce over and done quickly. If they both agree and stay civil and cordial, it could happen quickly. But most divorces are long, drawn out battles of unrequited anger and rage towards one another. Love is part of it too, if you can believe it. Except no one wants to admit it. You can’t hate or be angry with someone to that extent unless you love them. Hell, mine is still going on and we’ve been officially divorced since 2014! Go figure! But I digress…

Divorce is so very painful. It takes a huge emotional toll on the mind, a physical toll on the body and an unbelievable toll on the spirit. She is a woman of God, but so was I when I got divorced. My ex-husband wasn’t and still isn’t a Christian, unfortunately. I was so spiritually broken, it weakened me to the point where I got dumb as a rock and decided that having an affair with a married man was going to make everything better again. Yeah…right. But GOD! He brought me back to life and to my right senses after a short while.

I hope she doesn’t suffer as I suffered. I hope she is stronger than I was at that time. I hope that they can divorce without all the struggling and arguing and every other “ing” that divorce brings to the table. And most of all, I pray that the child doesn’t become a pawn in this awful game of hearts. My girls came out of my divorce pretty unscathed. Just a little scathed, not a lot. LOL! I don’t believe they’ll be needing a lot of therapy because of it.

I want to believe that Christians are above divorce. I want to believe that having the love of the Lord so deep down into your soul will make you want to fight harder for your marriage than two secular, worldly people. I mean, does that mean if I get married for the 2nd time, I will have to wonder about divorcing again? We hear all these stories about Christians saving themselves for marriage and going to the counseling and whatnot, but STILL, they go through a divorce at some point in their marriage. And I don’t want to get divorced a second time. I want to know and believe that if I am doing it right before marriage, that this marriage will last for a lifetime.

I have to realize that it is up to both individuals to make the marriage work. If both minds are set to work, if both minds are set to fight and open to communication and if there is still love in their hearts for the other person, I think it can work. I’ll be praying for my little sister to get through this moment, because the rest of her life has already been changed.

Quick update!

Tags

2017, divorce, faith, family, happy, life, prayer, relationships, religion, truth

Man, it feels like I haven’t written anything in about a million years! I guess you could or would consider that a good thing, no? I usually only come on here to write when I am angry at the ex. But there have been some moments where I was angry with him but I still didn’t blog about it. Even today, I am not angry about anything, and there is something going on, but God has been so good to me, that I don’t even allow the retardedness that is him, to disrupt my peace anymore.

Sometimes I want to come on here and write about some good things too. I don’t just want it to be about the negative things that I encounter with the ex. I have some moments where I am just bursting at the seams about the goodness of God and I need to share it with the world. For one, I am definitely healed, emotionally. I am no longer the broken Christian heart from 2013. I am scared to read some of my earlier posts because I don’t want to relive the pain, nor do I want to remember how I was at those moments. I was weak, embarrassed, ashamed and so painfully heartbroken back then.

But I can look back and thank God that I went through what I went through, because I am definitely stronger and ready and able to conquer anything that life brings my way. Whether it’s dealing with the ex or any other negative person or thing.

School is coming along very well. There was a moment where I was slacking, but I am picking myself back up. There shouldn’t be any breaks in school. When you have a break, it’s murder getting back on track! And the enemy knew it and sent a lazy spirit after me. Hardest hold to break and I’m still struggling. My schooling on top of the girls’ schooling is a lot of schooling, trust me! But we’re all doing well. And I have 3 more classes and then I finish this June. YAY ME!

Work is still wonderful and church is awesome. I’ve been doing a lot of YouTube watching. I found a really great pastor on there to supplement what I am learning from my actual church. And of course, I am reading some really great books. It’s funny how I thought I didn’t have a life because I was not going out to clubs and dancing and living the Sex and the City life that I assumed other people were doing. Puh-lease, I do more before 6am than darn near a lot of people! LOL!!!

And I am now cherishing my time alone when the girls are with the ex. I am able to focus on me and reset myself. And honey, if I don’t want to do nothing, that’s exactly what I do. NOTHING! And I sleep where I want, when I want. And without any shame. 2017 is bringing some new-ness to my life and I’m happy. Still no boyfriend, but I’m not looking, so what do you expect? God will bring him when the time is right. I think the time will be right after I graduate. I don’t need the added distraction. If I can’t focus sometimes because of the girls, imagine if I had a man?

I’d be getting pulled in three different directions, constantly! Sometimes the thought of having a boyfriend is actually more fun than having one. And I can continue to build a relationship with the Lord while I am single. Once I am courting and married, God is not going to be my main and sole focus. So, I need to get my personal relationship with Him even stronger so I don’t put God in the background when he comes.

I have these moments where I think about closing my blog, but I think that my words help people sometimes when they read about my past pain. When they realize that there is an end out of that painful divorce tunnel. To think, that the sun actually shined again? To believe in love and hope again? To really understand that the tears will stop falling? And to understand fully that God is there with you through it all? It’s an amazing, eye-opening experience. Who knew? I know who knew…everyone that had ever experienced heartbreak. But we all have to go through our devastation in our own time and way before we experience the breakthrough from the heartbreak!

Whelp! Here’s a little update regarding the ex. He’s still a jerk. Are you shocked? LOL! And he’s taking me back to court because he is trying to get out of one of his responsibilities and decided that he’s had enough! LMBOOOOOO!!!! So, we’re going to court, this time with LAWYERS! So, he’s really wasting both our time and money. I don’t know when we’re going to court, but it’s coming soon. He just served me the other night. I’ll let you know what the outcome is. Just know that there will be no sad hearts involved!!! Ciao!

Merry Christmas!!!

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children, christian, christmas, co-parenting, comfort, divorce, faith, family, feelings, happy, life, peace, prayer, sucks, thanks, whatever

My ex is still a merry jerk, his mistletoe mistress is still a ho, ho, ho and they can both take a nice sleigh ride off a short roof! Lmbooooo! But overall, I had a great Christmas. Saw my kids for a few hours and I’m counting down until I get them back. Holidays suck, but you can and will get through it! Merry Christmas everyone!

Joy to my soul!!! La-la-la-la…

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advice, children, christian, christmas, comfort, divorce, faith, family, feelings, joy, life, peace, prayer, relationships, truth, women

 

It’s been a little while since I have last written. There’s nothing to report except that God is good and Jesus Christ is King! LOL!!! Honestly, the girls and I are doing so well. They are loving school and life and so am I. I’m just waiting for the year to end and the new to begin!

I’m making a lot of new changes in my life, spiritually and personally. I’m growing stronger in Christ and I’m growing stronger in who I am as a human being. Likes, dislikes, things I am willing to put up with, things that I will never put up with. People are being added and subtracted from my life, like algebra! It’s both good and bad. There are some people that I would love to keep in my life, but they can’t go where God is leading me. And some people I want to keep, but, having them in my life also brings me sadness. So, these are super hard decisions, you know?

Boundaries are being enforced and strengthened, and irrevocable. Those are mainly for the ex. I swear, for someone that is allegedly so happy in his new life without me, he sure is a miserable, old grump. Never seen someone so miserable. Especially because I don’t bother him…EVER! If I had a new baby and a new man, trust and believe, boo-boo, nothing the ex could do, would get under my skin. But the Lord is good and I give my ex up completely to the Lord to deal with.

I was out with the girls the other day, getting their Christmas pictures taken, and I was looking around at all the families and I found myself getting a little sad that we were the only family without a daddy to take pictures with. And it happens, that feeling comes every so often around the holidays. But, I managed to pray past it, and the feeling left. This is just a temporary season, that’s all. I’m in no rush. God has the one for me, and he’ll show up when the time is right.

Until then, I will remain content in my single season.

Work is still delightful, and school is still going strong. I am a little tired of utilizing my brain in all these different capacities, but I got to persevere through. At the end of it all, I will be grateful and happy and the blessings from my obedience will be many.

There is joy in my life. Real, pure and powerful joy. How do I know? Because this morning, the ex tried to get at me, and I was okay. I mean, I rolled my eyes at the emails, but my spirit was at peace, while answering him. And I know he is going to respond with some bs, but I will still be at peace. I prayed for him after I emailed the first time. I said out loud, “I forgive you, Ex.” And I will continue to do this. Hurt people, hurt people. And it’s obvious that my ex is hurt. From what exactly, I have no clue. But, the phrase still rings true. Hurt people, hurt people. So I am trying to love on him as the Lord tells us we should. Is it easy? Heck to the nah. But, every time I pray for him, it gets a little easier. I would hope that he would have calmed down with the anger by now, but he hasn’t. Obviously, he has some things that he has to work within himself before he can be at my level. We really could have a cordial relationship, he just has to stop with the disrespect. That’s all that’s required from him.

Someone told me last night, that he may have moved on in deed, but not emotionally. I was like, WHOA! I thought that having a baby and asking someone else to marry you was moving on emotionally. Needless to say, I got schooled. I pray he receives Christ into his heart. That’s the only thing/person I know that can save him. That can make him whole again, that can calm the seas that are raging on the inside of him. Only Christ can fill that void in his heart, his spirit, his soul. Only Christ can give him the love that he is so desperately desiring. I’ll just continue to pray for him.

Did I tell you guys that I tried out for the worship team? I didn’t, did I?! Well, I did! And I completely messed up the first song, but I do believe that I killed the second audition song. Hopefully, I will hear something back from them soon. The audition was on the 1st, and they said that they will contact people within 1 or 2 weeks, so we’ll see. I leave it to God. If I didn’t make it this time, I will try out again. I’ll just practice harder and now that I really know the process, it’ll be easier for me. I hope…lmboooooo! At least I had them laughing. Maybe they can give me a mic and I can be in the background, just laughing in tune and rhythm…LOL!!!! Ha! I’m stoopid!

I’m outtie 5000, G!!!!! (That means goodbye and have a pleasant day to all… :-))