Alrighty then! I survived my first class! YAY!!!!!!! I’m so happy! I had a few “DUH” and “DOH!!!” moments, but my brain cells have been kick started back into learning. LOL! I attempted a cartwheel when I submitted my last assignment, but my body took a vote and decided against it and shut the hell down.
It sucks when you are so “young” at heart and mind and your body looks at you and says, “sit your old, creaky bones ass down!!!” I realize that it is just looking out for me. Keeping me safe. LMBOOOOOOO!
I was happy, nonetheless. I’m happy. I am so glad and so excited that I finally made the decision to go back to school. And my girls see Mommy doing her homework and it makes them want to do their homework. And I show them my grades for the assignments and let them know hey! Mommy has to do good or she’ll get in trouble too! We’re encouraging each other in this process, cause 3rd grade is a BEAST! But thank God my little one is in VPK. I can at least handle that homework. LOL!
Other than school, everything else in my world is cool. The ex is not harassing me because I don’t give him a chance too. As long as I don’t contact him, we’re cool. Lord, I hope that changes this DECADE. Please pray for him to grow the hell up and just treat me with respect. That’s all I want and deserve. We don’t have to be “pals” just cordial.
Still no boyfriend. And still celibate. And both by choice. There are moments when I am feeling a certain way and I feel like I’m going to give in to either one or the other, but I pray and push through the feelings. It’s best to wait and just give my heart and mind time to heal. Best for me and for the future person that God sends into my life. I won’t lie though, sometimes I feel like jumping on the first man that smiles and gives me a compliment! It’s been tough. But God gives me His grace to get through this and anything else in life.
I’ve been reading the book, The Wait, by DeVon Franklin and it is quite good! It is just re-iterating most of the things I know about being celibate and doing things God’s way. And of course, it is teaching me some new things as well. This book is about how he and his wife, Meagan Good, decided to date God’s way, by waiting until after they were married to have sex. And both were celibate before they met. Not virgins, but celibate. It’s good to know that their are “others” out here on the same journey that I am on.
Most times, when you tell people that you are celibate, they look at you like you have lobsters crawling out of your ears…
But I’ve made enough mistakes in my life and I want to do all things right or at least better, this time around. No matter how long it takes. I am just tired of doing the same things and getting the same results…BUPKISS!!! Do I miss sex, hell YES! But will my rewards from Heaven be greater because of my obedience to my Heavenly Father? You damn skippy! Delayed gratification is worth what is promised to me.
Let’s see, I have been celibate since December 2013. And I’ve almost slipped a couple of times, but thankfully, God intervened. And those were the moments where I was mad as hell that He did, but I can look back and say, Hallelujah…He saved me and that’s all that matters.
So while I am celibate, I can focus more on God, more on working on myself, both with healing and fixing anything that is displeasing to the Lord. I am focused on school, my girls and even work! I am getting so blessed at my job this year! And I know that it is because I have been so obedient to God. My bosses are happy with me, and it shows. And I am happy with them and my co-workers. This is where I am supposed to be. And I am getting blessed through my church as well.
I wanted to get my Living Will/Trust done and didn’t have the money and lo and behold, the church decided to do a class and bring in a company that will do wills/trusts for FREE!!! I was flabbergasted! And so excited! God knew/heard what I wanted and came through yet again! So, I will be able to leave my little bits and pieces that I think are beneficial to my girls without any problems. So happy! 🙂
Life is good…
Boy, they don’t tell you in the brochure that when you sign up for Team Jesus that all hell starts to break through in your life at different moments. BUT AT THE SAME TIME! And I wish that I could say that it was my ex that was the problem, but he’s not. I thank the Lord all the same when it comes to that.
I’m starting school again and I feel old. The technology is newer and I already feel dumb as hell and that’s just from reading the syllabus! I feel like I won’t be able to keep up. I have an old mind and I have two kids that require a lot of attention and I’m thinking that this was just a really bad idea.
I almost told my adviser to un-enroll me because I just started feeling overwhelmed by it all. She could tell by my voice that I was totally flustered. She just told me to take my time and relax because it does seem overwhelming, but it was nothing to worry about.
Then my cousin called me to talk to me about my mother and the situation that is going on with her right now and it’s just all a lot. I can’t be everywhere and everything to everyone. She is a grown woman and she would rather just act feeble than to put a fire under her ass and do what she needs to do. And she has a husband and her 90 year old mother to help her and they all wanna act like they can’t do anything for themselves. The only person that can actually get away with that excuse is my grandmother.
These are the times when I wish I had someone that I could just lean on and snuggle up to them and let them “hug” away my problems and issues and worries. I know I have the Lord and that’s all well and fine, but I would really prefer a man, a physical, in my face man to take care of that. And until the Lord presents him to me, I just have to wait expectantly and patiently.
But for right now, I’ll just focus on the most important thing which is my schooling. I just need to make sure that I stay in touch with my adviser and make sure that I concentrate all my left over brain cells into getting this Master’s degree. There’s no reason for me to be afraid. if I can go out into the world and make a life for myself and these two gremlins, all on my own, then school will be another piece of cake.
And then I can focus on my mother and then I would say I will focus on getting a man, but I won’t. That kind of focus brings gray hairs…lmbo. I can wish and I will wish, but I won’t focus. Men aren’t going extinct.
I’m just scared of the whole school thing right now. It’s a lot to tackle, but nothing that I won’t be able to survive. Now, if I did have a man, it would be nice to have him around so that i can snuggle and get warmed up!!! These socks just ain’t doing it! LOL!!! And a blanket is lovely but it’s even more lovely when there’s someone generating the body heat alongside you…ok, ok, ok! I’ll stop.
For now…lmboooooooooo! Wish me luck in school please!!!!