One of my baby sisters, is about to go through a divorce. And I feel so bad for her. No real reason why, or rather, the real reason hasn’t reared it’s ugly head yet. And, it is her husband that wants it. They got married young, early 20’s. One child, and both are Christians. He’s a pastor, she’s a First Lady, so you’d expect them to make it, right?! WRONG! They were married for 8 or 9 years. I always figured that if a couple had Jesus in their hearts and are living God’s will, then they should be able to endure anything.
But, then, you forget one tiny nugget of critical information. That people are HUMAN. And FALLIBLE. And God gave each of us our own will and we do what we want with our will, when we want and how we want and etc…She is devastated. She was crying. She said she felt so stupid for even marrying him. I understand how and why she is thinking the way that she is thinking. She is upset and now she has to go through all the different, crappy stages of grief. I just told her that I loved her and that she has to allow herself to feel all the emotions that are going to pop up in her life.
She wants this divorce over and done quickly. If they both agree and stay civil and cordial, it could happen quickly. But most divorces are long, drawn out battles of unrequited anger and rage towards one another. Love is part of it too, if you can believe it. Except no one wants to admit it. You can’t hate or be angry with someone to that extent unless you love them. Hell, mine is still going on and we’ve been officially divorced since 2014! Go figure! But I digress…
Divorce is so very painful. It takes a huge emotional toll on the mind, a physical toll on the body and an unbelievable toll on the spirit. She is a woman of God, but so was I when I got divorced. My ex-husband wasn’t and still isn’t a Christian, unfortunately. I was so spiritually broken, it weakened me to the point where I got dumb as a rock and decided that having an affair with a married man was going to make everything better again. Yeah…right. But GOD! He brought me back to life and to my right senses after a short while.
I hope she doesn’t suffer as I suffered. I hope she is stronger than I was at that time. I hope that they can divorce without all the struggling and arguing and every other “ing” that divorce brings to the table. And most of all, I pray that the child doesn’t become a pawn in this awful game of hearts. My girls came out of my divorce pretty unscathed. Just a little scathed, not a lot. LOL! I don’t believe they’ll be needing a lot of therapy because of it.
I want to believe that Christians are above divorce. I want to believe that having the love of the Lord so deep down into your soul will make you want to fight harder for your marriage than two secular, worldly people. I mean, does that mean if I get married for the 2nd time, I will have to wonder about divorcing again? We hear all these stories about Christians saving themselves for marriage and going to the counseling and whatnot, but STILL, they go through a divorce at some point in their marriage. And I don’t want to get divorced a second time. I want to know and believe that if I am doing it right before marriage, that this marriage will last for a lifetime.
I have to realize that it is up to both individuals to make the marriage work. If both minds are set to work, if both minds are set to fight and open to communication and if there is still love in their hearts for the other person, I think it can work. I’ll be praying for my little sister to get through this moment, because the rest of her life has already been changed.