Things are going so well for me in so many different areas of my life. Big things popping with work, *fingers crossed* and I made the worship team at church!!! YAY ME!!! My youngest graduated from Kindergarten, my oldest is working hard at bringing up her grades. I’m almost done with school, HALLELUJAH! And of course, things are so so great with Double R. The only thing that remains the same is the ex…you’re not shocked, I know…
But I digress…Double R is my heart. People really do not explain how to be a Christian while dating. How do you handle wanting to have sex but NOT having sex??? It’s tough, man. I already broke the no-kissing rule. That went right out the window. My flesh is on fire. I fast, pray, and thank God that he lives far away but shoot, we are going to see each other this month. I have to keep myself in prayer and try to behave myself, seriously. And he’s planning on coming back in July. Just pray for me that I keep it together. Being celibate in a relationship that is so freaking passionate is ROUGH!
I am so afraid of doing the wrong things and having the same outcome as my marriage. I don’t need any demons having their hand at my relationship, no thank you! I want us set on a solid foundation of Christ. He really is a great guy. The level of emotions that is going on between us, it’s amazing. Didn’t have that with my ex nor with the married guy. He really cares for me and my girls. I went to NYC in May for his father’s memorial ceremony and it was a beautiful ceremony and each and every moment that I spent with him was truly wonderful. He took me on a first date where we walked to Little Italy and had dinner in a very nice restaurant and then he took me to see the NJ skyline and it was just……magical.
That is the only word I can use to describe it. Magical.
I waited for years, for someone of his caliber to come into my life. Yes, it is still early in the relationship, but there is just a feeling. That this is right. And I’m not desperate, I didn’t set out to start a relationship. I only went to get re-acquainted with an old family friend.
Our story is amazing.
Someone prophesied over me earlier in the year, and she has been right two out of the three times that she did prophesy over me. So, I think this is the 3rd. In fact, I know it is.
While I was in NYC, I met more of his family, his daughter, (she is a sweetheart) and I met his ex. THANK GOD that they have a good relationship. I wish I could have the same relationship with my ex, but you guys know that is not going to happen for me. Not my fault! I only told one person this, just one person. And she was a stranger. And now I am telling you… I am in love with this man and he is in love with me. Even before we kissed, we just knew. The feeling is so overwhelming.
I’m a pretty logical chick, and the feelings that I am having do not make any sense, but at the same time, they do. I could never understand before how people would say that they knew that they were in love with their significant other at first sight, or after a short amount of time, but now, I can understand. It can happen. And it has happened, to me. To us. And I am so happy. And thankful.
It’s about time.
I’m dating someone. *drops mic*
Yep. Me. I am dating someone and even I am shocked at this revelation. I thought it would never happen. Even though I knew it would eventual, I was still pretty shocked that someone took an interest in me. And took such a strong interest in me at that! You wanna know what the kicker is? I grew up with him. We grew up in the same building when we were kids, right before my mother left and brought me to Florida.
We have been estranged for 33 years. Then I found out that his parents moved to Florida and that his father was dying and I decided to go and see them before he passed. I had no idea that I would be in a relationship two weeks later. His father died, unfortunately. But from his death, birthed something wonderful. And I am so grateful. I thought I would never let anyone get next to me again. I thought the walls would be up forever. But they just came tumbling down, effortlessly.
We are so much alike. It’s a little scary how alike we are. But he is the sweetest man on earth. And he is very open and honest. I don’t have to force him to open up to me. Only bad thing is that he lives in NYC, but that’s not a deal breaker for me. I will leave everything up to the Lord. If he really wants to be with me, he knows that he would be the one to make that move. Let’s face it. I’m stalemated here in Florida because of the ex. This guy though, we’ll call him Double R, he has a daughter and she is 16. He still has much more freedom than I do.
I already know/knew his parents and his family from when I was little and when I went up to visit his ailing dad, it was a reunion. And when I go and visit NYC, I will re-introduce him to my dad. I think it will be ok. I told my dad and he just laughed. Let’s see, I’ve only told my dad, Mo, and Madie. I am taking my time with telling people because this would be the first time that I have anyone to introduce anyone too! It is a little much for me to handle.
I was confused as what I should refer him as, boyfriend, my baby, my boo, my MAN, like…what???? He was even thinking the same thing. He had been alone for a while and was just waiting for God to send him someone. We connect on so many levels. It’s very nice. And I’m glad that it wasn’t on some social media platform. I had a human connection with someone, face to face.
And I told him about my celibacy and the no kissing rule and he agreed to it all. Another shocker. Most men would run the other way. Especially since they are older and have had sex. They act like they can’t live without it sometimes. Like they’d really die. I ain’t gonna lie, it will be hard to not kiss him. I am so affectionate. And it will be hard to not jump his bones because I do miss sex and being with someone in a physical way, but I do not want to mess up and incur God’s wrath. I made a vow, a sacred promise to do things the right way and my flesh is just going to have to have several seats!
We have no choice but to take things slowly because of the distance. And I think the distance can also be a good thing. It’ll help us gauge the level of respect we have for each other and the determination we have to make this thing work and see where it goes. I mean, a man will move mountains to get to a woman, right? Well, I hope that he is that man and I hope I am that woman.
I love the honeymoon phase. But with the no sex clause, it will force us to connect in another way and on another level. Everyone gets along with the person that they’re having sex with in the beginning. Let’s see what happens when there is NO sex. And no kissing. Because people can get confused and soul-tied through kissing. I’m worth more and so is the man that is in my life. I want to give him a pure version of myself. Someone that is strong and knows who she is and what she wants. Someone that is a true woman of God and not a phony.
He makes me laugh and smile and we compliment each other. I hope he doesn’t get tired of me. I really would like this to work. I don’t want to deal with any rejection and abandonment. I think I have had my fill of that.
My ex is still a merry jerk, his mistletoe mistress is still a ho, ho, ho and they can both take a nice sleigh ride off a short roof! Lmbooooo! But overall, I had a great Christmas. Saw my kids for a few hours and I’m counting down until I get them back. Holidays suck, but you can and will get through it! Merry Christmas everyone!
Can you believe that I am sick as a dog and on Thanksgiving?! I mean, WTH?! But I guess being sick is better than being sad and miserable over a divorce and an asshole ex-husband and having to split my kids during the holidays and trying to get over an ex-“boyfriend.”
Wanna know something, though? I am not sad or miserable over anything but this cold. In 2011, I was shattered and destroyed. In 2012, I was shattered and disgusted. In 2013, I was stung and disappointed. In 2014, honey, I am fine. I never thought it could be possible. Never thought I would be okay. There’s no tears. There’s no sadness. No me, in the fetal position, on the floor, upset because my ex-husband rejected/abandoned us or upset because my ex-“boyfriend” is spending the holidays with his family and I am all alone.
And I have been invited to the homes of some friends for Thanksgiving, but no one wants mucus as a substitute for gravy. LOL! I sent my girls off looking so good today! They were looking like some fierce gremlins! Too, too cute! And it made me happy to see them happy. It made me joyous to see they were already looking forward to coming back home to mommy. I’m so thankful to the Lord for all my blessings. And the main thing I am thankful for is the healing of my broken heart. My Broken Christian Heart…
And it is healing. A slow process, but the healing is becoming more and more evident with each new day. I will take that over turkey any day!!! 🙂